Lewis Center for Church Leadership
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
Church consultant Joel Snider says that serious congregational conflicts can be caused or exacerbated by the poor use of electronic communication. Congregations can work to develop a common understanding of appropriate and inappropriate uses of digital communication, says Snider, and he offers seven key principles for forging a digital communication covenant.Have you ever sent a text that the recipient misinterpreted? Wondered how to decipher an angry sounding email you received? Congratulated someone on Facebook for an accomplishment, only to discover the news was still confidential? We can all share stories of digital communication gone wrong.
Google’s search ability is quick, and its memory is permanent. A tweet or post that may seem funny in the moment can have lasting embarrassment.
Members of faith communities today often ask, “How will we relate to each other as Christians in a digital world? How will we treat our brothers and sisters in Christ in the ever-changing cyber world?” Many assume they know the answers, only to discover that not all members of the fellowship share the same convictions.How do we come to a common understanding of appropriate digital communication? A church may adopt an official policy on the subject, but policies are only enforceable with employees. How does the broader membership agree on principles of Internet conduct?
While exploring this idea, I discovered the concept of a digital covenant between members — a common commitment to how we treat each other in the virtual world as part of Christ’s church. Here are some suggested principles in creating such a covenant.
1. Use digital communication for information, but not for emotions.
Seven percent of interpersonal communication is verbal; the remainder is non-verbal. The recipient can’t see your facial expressions, hear your tone of voice, or read your body language in an email or text. Ninety-three percent of your digital communication is hidden and, therefore, easy to misinterpret. If your message has emotion behind it, go see the person or pick up the phone and call.
2. CC wisely.
Copying someone on an email is for information, not leverage. Do not copy someone in order to pressure the primary recipient. Consider using this practice at work as well.
3. Do not share another person’s information digitally until they do.
I know an instance where a person posted a prayer request on Facebook, “Pray for my neighbor whose father died tonight. She dreads calling her children at college to tell them their grandfather is gone.” It seemed innocent enough until the Facebook user’s daughter saw her mother’s post, made the connection and texted one of the grandchildren, “I was sorry to hear about your grandfather.” It was an unfortunate way to hear about a death. Therefore, be respectful. Either ask directly if you can share the information or wait until they post before you do.
4. Ask for permission to post pictures of children.
A couple shared a video of a funny moment in their child’s life. One of the recipients posted it to YouTube. The parents asked them to take it down, and they refused. They were addicted to the number of hits they were getting. The parents found that even though their child was the subject, they had no legal standing to have the video removed from the Internet. Get permission to post pictures or information about another parent’s child. If a friend asks you to remove a photo or information about them, respond in Christian charity and comply.
5. Remember that the world is your audience.
Randi Zuckerberg says that when you share information digitally think “Who among the recipients do I trust the least?” The question sounds cynical but contains much wisdom. Don’t say anything in an email that would embarrass you if it were forwarded.
6. Remember the permanence of the digital.
Digital communication is quick, convenient, and allows us to stay in touch with more people we could never see or call. The ease of writing and deleting lulls us into thinking messages come and go. Google’s search ability is quick, and its memory is permanent. A tweet or post that may seem funny in the moment can have lasting embarrassment.
7. Remember Colossians 3:17.
“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus …” We don’t have permission to stray from the mind of Christ just because we are angry or participating in sports — or because we are on the Internet. Paul mentions no exclusions to “everything.”
These are starting points for a covenant about how we treat each other in the digital age. Consider having a church discussion about the idea. Develop your own principles and then pledge together to treat others on the Internet in a way that honors Christ.
This article is reprinted from the newsletter of the Center for Healthy Churches. Used by permission.
Related Resources:
- Maintaining Boundaries in a Digital Age, an online continuing education course from the Lewis Center that explores clergy ethics in an era of instantaneous, electronic communication
- Why I Don’t Engage Unhappy Church Members by Email by Molly Phinney Baskette
- The Theology of Social Media by Thomas G. James
- Communication Conflict Leadership Social Media
About Author
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7 Ways Congregations Can Respond to the #MeToo Movement by General Commission On The Status And Role Of Women
The #MeToo movement has been a wakeup call regarding the pervasiveness of sexual harassment and misconduct in virtually every sector of society, including the church. The United Methodist Commission on the Status and Role of Women has outlined ways that a congregation can respond to victims and help prevent further abuse.The #MeToo movement has been spiritually powerful because of the overwhelming number of personal testimonies from those who have been on the receiving end of sexual misconduct. Moreover, an overwhelming and shameful number of stories of misconduct have taken place within the realm of the church. These witnesses do not allow us as the hearers, as the community of faith, to forget the human cost of the sin of sexual misconduct.The simplest and most profound act of Christian response is listening to those who have suffered. By listening to stories, we can learn and perhaps take proactive steps to prevent more abuse.
How can your congregation or local ministry respond to this #MeToo moment?
1. Refuse to be a silent bystander.
When you hear or see someone say or do something that could be harassment, intervene! How are we holding one another accountable for behavior?
2. Cultivate a culture of respect.
Respect and affirm women and men in such a way that they know they will be believed if they choose to confide their experiences. One way to practice and cultivate a culture of respect and affirmation is by supporting women called to ministry.
3. Listen.
The simplest and most profound act of Christian response is this: listening to those who have suffered. By listening to stories, we can learn. And by learning, perhaps we as local church communities can take proactive steps to prevent more abuse from happening and to help survivors find true healing in Christ. As one victim disclosed, “My church helped me to see how God sees me and who I am, instead of who I am not.”
4. Offer professional counseling services for victims.
In addition to church-related resources, be aware of community resources, especially sexual assault or rape crisis counselors.
5. Provide education on the complaint process.
Insist on education about the policy and process for filing a formal complaint of sexual misconduct within your church or denomination and regarding your state’s laws. Make it an agenda item at the next meeting of your church board or pastor relations committee. Make sure the committee is trained in the policy and complaint process.
6. Talk about it.
Have conversation in small group settings (including the youth) and speak from the pulpit regarding sexual harassment. Offer studies for those who have been abused, even years ago.
7. Institute a prevention program.
Institute a prevention program at your seminary or campus ministry. Require sexual ethics and boundary training for pastors, staff, and leaders. Institute necessary child-protection policies.
This material is adapted from the #MeToo Toolkit: Resources for a Faithful Response developed by the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women of the United Methodist Church. Used by permission.
Related Resources:
- Understanding Clergy Sexual Ethics, an online continuing education course from the Lewis Center that creates awareness of what constitutes misconduct, how it arises, and how to prevent it.
- Maintaining Boundaries in a Digital Age, an online continuing education course from the Lewis Center that explores clergy ethics in an era of instantaneous, electronic communication.
- To the Point: Why Women Are Clergy, a free resource from the Lewis Center
- Congregational Care General Women and Leadership
About Author
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The Right Question
Leaders do not need answers. Leaders must have the right questions.
Sondra Wheeler, an ethicist on the faculty of Wesley Theological Seminary, offers three questions for pastors to consider when determining whether to disclose personal information to the congregation.
- Why am I choosing to share this information?
- What purpose do I hope telling this will serve, and is this the best way to achieve it?
- What other effects, besides the one I intend, are likely to come from sharing this story in this setting?
Learn more and enroll today.
This weekend, all across the country, leaders are going to get up in front of their churches and talk about upcoming events and opportunities to connect with the community. They want to move people to action, but in reality a large portion of those in the room will simply tune out for that part of the service and then tune back in when something more interesting comes along. You know it’s true … because you’ve done it!
We blame the people for not engaging in the mission. Sort of like a shepherd blaming the sheep for not going to the right pasture. We need to understand why people stop listening and then shift our behavior to help them connect with those we seek to serve. Here are eight reasons people aren’t listening to announcements.
Download a PDF to share with others.
Read now and download free.
Quotable Leadership
Never write something on the web that you would not say to a person's face. (Jon Meacham)
Congregations say they want to reach new and younger people. In Not Safe for Church: Ten Commandments for Reaching New Generations, Lewis Center Director Doug Powe and Pastor Jasmine Smothers give ten ways to help churches move from just saying what they intend to actually doing it. This book provides tools to help congregations re-frame the Good News in nontraditional ways plus study questions for church leadership teams.
Learn more and order now.
People want to feel like they matter. When they make a donation, they want validation their gift has made a difference. That's definitely something your church can easily and happily make happen, says stewardship consultant Cesie Delve Scheuermann. In her blog Inspiring Generosity, she describes four ways to "write a right" thank you letter.
Happy 4th of July! I’m heading off to a neighborhood potluck and then to the Triple A Volcanoes baseball game. And you? What are your plans? While you get ready, take a moment to listen to one of our unofficial national anthems by the late, great Ray Charles: America the Beautiful.
Letter #1 went to a church. And, you guessed it. I have not heard one word from them. No letter, no receipt, no nothing. I wonder if anyone read my letter about my friend. I wonder if anyone cared.
Letter #2 went to an organization that I am very familiar with. I did receive a thank you letter (a plus), but the envelope was addressed to my husband and myself. I could have overlooked that until I opened the letter to find the salutation: “Dear Tom.” I didn’t even exist. Worse still, there was nary a mention of the letter I sent. It was a standard thank you letter.
Fortunately, I know the Development Director and called her to let her know about my experience. Surprisingly, she had never seen my handwritten letter, and neither had the Executive Director. The person who was entering the information either threw the letter away or put in an unknown file. The same person also saw our unusual last name in the database and never thought to amend the information to make it personal to me.
Here’s the takeaway:
1. If you get a gift, write a thank you letter. Period.
2. Everyone on staff is on the Stewardship/Development Committee. Maybe they aren’t literally on the Stewardship Committee, but they need to be aware of the importance of stewarding relationships. Use a few minutes in a staff meeting to talk about it.
3. If someone takes the time to write a personal letter with a financial gift, make sure it gets passed on. Whoever is opening the mail needs to give a copy of the letter to you (the clergy person) and to the Stewardship Chair. In the thank you letter, someone should write a personal note indicating that they have read the letter and how its sentiments are appreciated.
4. Take note of who is sending the donation and how they might want to be addressed. No doubt mistakes will be made but sometimes, with a little attention to detail, they can be avoided. Oh, and make sure you spell the donor’s name correctly.
People want to feel like they matter. They want validation that what they have sent you has made a difference. That’s definitely something you can easily and happily make happen.
Originally published January 23, 2013.
Cesie Delve Scheuermann (pronounced “CC Delv Sherman,” yes, really) is a consultant in stewardship, development, and grant writing. Over the past fifteen years, while working as a volunteer and part-time consultant, she helped raise over three million dollars for numerous non-profit organizations. And while you’re at it, she encourages you to listen to the other unofficial national anthem: Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land.” She was the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference Lay Leader from 2008-2012. Her position with the Conference is funded through a generous grant from the Collins Foundation. She is available to consult with churches. You can reach her at inspiringgenerosity@gmail.com or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/inspiringgenerosity.
If someone has forwarded this to you and you would like to subscribe to "Inspiring Generosity," click here. Miss an issue? Click here. Want to see more stewardship resources? Click here.
Read more now.
We blame the people for not engaging in the mission. Sort of like a shepherd blaming the sheep for not going to the right pasture. We need to understand why people stop listening and then shift our behavior to help them connect with those we seek to serve. Here are eight reasons people aren’t listening to announcements.
- There’s nothing in it for them. We want them to attend our event. We need volunteers for the upcoming thing. We have a need that we are hoping they will fill. We focus too much on what’s in it for us, but people are intrinsically motivated to pay attention to things that will positively impact them. Frame your announcements in a way that shows how what you are talking about is going to make a difference to them.
- Too much insider language. Why do church leaders love cute names for programs and use acronyms? These are surefire ways to alienate your audience because they need a dictionary to understand what all the different “special names” are for the events and programs at your church. Work hard to ensure that you use plain language that everyone can understand.
- You need to sell, not market. Marketing is about making sure that people understand the features and benefits of your product or service. Sales is about working with people individually to overcome their objections and get them to sign on the dotted line. Who is the person who is going to talk to people directly about engaging in the effort?
- No heart. Do you feel like yawning while you are doing the announcements? Imagine what the people are thinking! If you do not connect your message with their hearts every once in a while, they will stop listening. People want to know why you are passionate about the subject. Move beyond dates, times, and locations to the big “why” behind what you are talking about.
- Too much noise. Every time you add another announcement, it reduces the likelihood of the announcements breaking through. Two announcements are 30 percent as effective as one. Three are 90 percent less effective than one. How are you ensuring that you are doing the minimal number of announcements possible to ensure maximum impact?
- Bad News Bill. Is it always the same person from the finance team that gets up once a month to tell the church how much they are behind on offerings? People will learn to tune out that message quickly. If you are always the bearer of bad news, people will stop listening. Avoid using the public stage as the place to disseminate bad news.
- Wrong audience. If you are announcing the upcoming hiker club trip to the wilderness on Tuesday afternoon that maybe two percent of the congregation could possibly attend, you are telling 98 percent of the people to ignore you. If your announcement does not impact 50 percent or more of the people in the room, why are you talking about it?
- Too much treadmill. When was the last time you celebrated something fun that happened at your church? If you are always taking time to promote what’s coming up next, you are missing an opportunity to engage (and reward) people who have been involved in something already at the church. Celebrate people and what they are doing. They will listen more.
Download a PDF to share with others. Read now and download free.
Quotable Leadership
Never write something on the web that you would not say to a person's face. (Jon Meacham)
Learn more and order now.
Inspiring Generosity
Four Ways to Write a Right Thank You Letter
Then…take a read of an encore blog post. Happy 4th!
I’m trying not to develop a complex. A month ago I mailed two checks in memory of two individuals that I hold dear in my heart. The checks came from my personal account (as opposed to my joint account with my spouse). With each check I enclosed a hand-written letter about the person who I was memorializing. The responses from each organization are telling (or someone is trying to tell me something).Letter #1 went to a church. And, you guessed it. I have not heard one word from them. No letter, no receipt, no nothing. I wonder if anyone read my letter about my friend. I wonder if anyone cared.
Letter #2 went to an organization that I am very familiar with. I did receive a thank you letter (a plus), but the envelope was addressed to my husband and myself. I could have overlooked that until I opened the letter to find the salutation: “Dear Tom.” I didn’t even exist. Worse still, there was nary a mention of the letter I sent. It was a standard thank you letter.
Fortunately, I know the Development Director and called her to let her know about my experience. Surprisingly, she had never seen my handwritten letter, and neither had the Executive Director. The person who was entering the information either threw the letter away or put in an unknown file. The same person also saw our unusual last name in the database and never thought to amend the information to make it personal to me.
Here’s the takeaway:
1. If you get a gift, write a thank you letter. Period.
2. Everyone on staff is on the Stewardship/Development Committee. Maybe they aren’t literally on the Stewardship Committee, but they need to be aware of the importance of stewarding relationships. Use a few minutes in a staff meeting to talk about it.
3. If someone takes the time to write a personal letter with a financial gift, make sure it gets passed on. Whoever is opening the mail needs to give a copy of the letter to you (the clergy person) and to the Stewardship Chair. In the thank you letter, someone should write a personal note indicating that they have read the letter and how its sentiments are appreciated.
4. Take note of who is sending the donation and how they might want to be addressed. No doubt mistakes will be made but sometimes, with a little attention to detail, they can be avoided. Oh, and make sure you spell the donor’s name correctly.
People want to feel like they matter. They want validation that what they have sent you has made a difference. That’s definitely something you can easily and happily make happen.
Originally published January 23, 2013.
Cesie Delve Scheuermann (pronounced “CC Delv Sherman,” yes, really) is a consultant in stewardship, development, and grant writing. Over the past fifteen years, while working as a volunteer and part-time consultant, she helped raise over three million dollars for numerous non-profit organizations. And while you’re at it, she encourages you to listen to the other unofficial national anthem: Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land.” She was the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference Lay Leader from 2008-2012. Her position with the Conference is funded through a generous grant from the Collins Foundation. She is available to consult with churches. You can reach her at inspiringgenerosity@gmail.com or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/inspiringgenerosity.
If someone has forwarded this to you and you would like to subscribe to "Inspiring Generosity," click here. Miss an issue? Click here. Want to see more stewardship resources? Click here.
Read more now.
Editor: Dr. Ann A. Michel
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