Alban Weekly - Monday, 30 December 2013 - Number 492 “Is “Stay
Away” the Only Way?: How Former Pastors Relate to Congregations They Previously
Served” by Trish Towle Greeves
A colleague once told me about interviewing some years ago for a
campus ministry position. His eligibility was expressly predicated on his not
talking to any of the clergy who had previously served in that position.
Another colleague recalls a seminary professor’s admonition to
students that when called to a parish, they should not be in touch with their
predecessors—to avoid any preconceived notions about the setting and
parishioners they would soon be encountering.
My friend Paul still regrets not attending the funeral of his
lifetime mentor because it was being held at a congregation Paul had once
served as pastor.
Congregational members have shared with me their tendency to not
mention events related to former pastors in front of the current pastor, sensing
that such conversation would not be welcome.
In a Christian Century “Faith Matters” column, M. Craig Barnes
expresses his conviction that we must always relate to former parishioners as
“pastor, not friend.”1
In his book Saying Goodbye: A Time of Growth for Congregations
and Pastors, Alban Institute consultant and author Ed White cautions that
continuing contact between former pastors and congregations inhibits the
congregation’s grief work, encourages “futile grappling with ghosts,” promotes
rivalries among members, diverts energy outside the congregation when it is
most needed within the community, confuses commitment to new leadership, and
“keeps the current minister on the defensive and places her or him in the
awkward position of interloper.”2
In light of such examples, I have wondered whether by
emphasizing what former clergy are not to do, we are causing:
Unnecessary pain from the complete rupture of relationships
between former pastors and parishioners
·
Loss of collegiality between former and successor pastors
·
Loss of goodwill and sense of well-being by preventing a
continuing but transformed relationship between congregations and former
pastors
·
Unnecessary ambiguity and secrecy when former pastors do
maintain con- tact with some former parishioners
As part of a doctor of ministry thesis project, I designed a
research project to explore if, when, why, and how a visible relationship
between former pastors and congregations can or should exist. I researched
success and satisfaction with pastoral transitions in congregations from the
perspectives of members, former pastors, interim pastors, and successor
pastors. Using a web-based tool, I created the Pastoral Transitions Survey to
examine respondents’ emotions and satisfaction, the relationship between former
and successor pastors, the public engagement of former pastors with
congregations they previously served, friendships between former pastors and
congregational members, and adherence to professional boundaries.
All mainline denominations have similar ethics pertaining to the
relationship between pastors and congregations they previously served. These
guidelines require the pastor to terminate all pastoral services, refrain from
interfering in the life of the parish or the ministry of the successor, honor
the record of one’s predecessors and successors, and exercise caution regarding
contact with former parishioners.
These boundaries are rightly designed to foster a successful
transition, particularly to assist the congregation in accepting new pastoral
leadership and to ensure its readiness and commitment to move into the future.
The importance of keeping these boundaries was recognized by all 78 survey
respondents. After a well-celebrated ministry and specific closure date, a
former pastor should, in their words, “move on,” “stay away,” “give room,” “not
linger,” “make a clean break,” “stay out of church’s hair,” “remove [oneself]
physically and emotionally,” and so forth. Interim and successor pastor
tributes to predecessors who did this well further underscore how important
these boundaries are.
On the other hand, the survey highlighted a desire for some sort
of continuing relationship between congregations and former pastors. A
significant number of comments pertained to this need. The following chart
summarizes the common positive and negative arguments concerning ongoing
relationships between congregations and former pastors.
Clearly, no consensus exists concerning ongoing relationships
with former pastors that would fit all pastoral transitions. However, in the
absence of unethical conduct and assuming a voluntary departure, and in spite
of legitimate fears of the slippery slope, my analysis of statistical and
anecdotal data from the surveys suggests five areas of continuity between
former pastors and congregations can be affirmed:
(1) maintenance of institutional memory and goodwill;
(2) occasional visits for services and special events;
(3) shared times of bereavement;
(4) collegiality between former and successor pastors;
(5) continuing friendships with some congregational members.
Maintenance of Institutional Memory and Goodwill
Former pastors are part of a congregation’s history. Often
pictures of them hang on a wall somewhere in the church. Their pastorates are
noted when the congregation’s histories are updated. Congregational newsletters
include updates in a former pastor’s personal or professional life, such as a
new call or a significant health issue. When one former pastor was called to a
conference ministry position, the congregation where he had served many years
before incorporated his most frequently used benediction into the Sunday
worship service and prayed for his success on the day he was being installed in
another part of the country.
When I was diagnosed with cancer and about to have surgery to
remove a kidney, I made a coffee date with my successor, who was then beginning
the sixth year of her pastorate following my sixteen-year tenure. She included
a note about the surgery in the next congregational newsletter. I was
subsequently showered with cards and notes of love, concern, and good wishes,
which gave me great pleasure and support.
Beyond the essential tasks for a successful pastoral
transition—letting go, building new relationships, and setting new directions,
an enduring bond of affection and good will remains between pastors and
parishioners who have sojourned together, sharing life’s deepest questions,
sorrows, hopes, and joys.
Occasional Visits for Services and Special Events
Former pastors are typically invited to participate in special
occasions such as anniversaries, building dedications, and reunions. These
events celebrate the ongoing life of a congregation within a larger framework
that transcends any particular pastorate. The presence of former pastors or
members of their families representing many years of a congregation’s pastoral
leadership embodies the hymn refrain:
Forward through the ages in unbroken line,
Move the faithful spirits at the call divine.3
The most frequent services attended by former pastors, according
to the Pastoral Transitions Survey, were funerals, followed by an occasional
visit to a Sunday service, and then weddings. The average number of times
former pastors appeared for any reason in a congregation they had previously
served was slightly over two a year. This figure did not distinguish between
former pastors who had retired and those who were working in another setting.
Eighty percent of former pastors said they were present once a year or less often.
One or two visits a year for any reason appeared to be beneficial for all
concerned.
Shared Times of Bereavement
A clear exception to the “clean-break- stay-away” policy that
was mentioned in the survey by respondents from all role perspectives concerned
the death of long- time members in the congregation. A representative sample of
survey respondents’ own words conveys this sentiment:
A successor pastor wrote, “I would re-look at rules in place
(i.e., no showing up for funerals, etc., for a few years) and re-write them to
include the option of occasionally doing that.... [To not do so] seems
non-compassionate.”
One interim wrote that she “never draws a line with the former
pastor when there is a death of a church member and encourages the former pastor’s
presence at the memorial service if he/ she desires to be present.”
One successor pastor shared about the growth in her own
awareness when she at first discouraged her predecessor from attending the
funeral of a beloved patriarch of the church. “After talking to a colleague who
was an experienced interim, I called the former pastor back and invited him to
come. This was a good decision all around.”
A former pastor wrote, “I would like to see the guidelines for
transitions have a more nuanced understanding about some of the complicated
situations that can arise. There was, for example, the death of a church member
when the church had no interim pastor; inviting the former pastor to preside
would have been comforting to the family and not have compromised the overall
transition.”
An interim pastor wrote, “I believe that any future involvement
is not best achieved by a rigid rule. At times of family stress, such as
funerals that occur during the interim period, many families express a desire
for some contact with the former pastor, and I believe it is appropriate for me
to reach out to the former pastor on behalf of the family to set up some
appropriate involvement.”
One of several congregation members who expressed similar
sentiments wrote that it seemed “appropriate and helpful for former ministers
to attend funerals.” Another respondent wrote of her disappointment when her
dearly loved pastor of some twenty years did not attend her husband’s funeral.
A successor pastor in referring to his predecessor wrote, “She
has rigorously stuck to the boundaries defined by the conference, and in some
instances, I think these are too strong. I would want her to have been free to
come when beloved members have died.”
This wide consensus drawn from unsolicited comments was
striking. It convinces me that this is an important area that needs to be
thoughtfully considered, particularly by successor pastors who best know under
what circumstances the former pastor’s presence would be called for and who are
the appropriate initiators of such an invitation.
Collegiality between Former and Successor Pastors
At least 50 percent of all clergy respondents were very
satisfied with their working relationship with the other pastor involved in the
transition, and at least
95 percent of the interim and successor pastors were at least
okay with that relationship. A few former pastors, however, recalled much
better relationships with their predecessors in previous transitions and had
hoped for that kind of relationship with their successors and former
congregations when they themselves left.
I computed a former/successor engagement score based on the type
and frequency of contacts between former and successor pastors to look more
closely at these relationships. The average score for former pastors and
successor pastors was nearly three times the average score for interim pastors,
perhaps because there is more time for the longer-term pastors to develop a
relationship.
For former pastors, there was a strong correlation between the
former/successor relationship score and their overall satisfaction with the
transition. For interim pastors, there was a very small correlation between the
former/successor relationship score and their overall satisfaction with the
transition. For successor pastors, there was a small negative correlation
between the former/successor relationship score and overall satisfaction with
the transition. Although it is important to remember that correlation suggests
some kind of relationship or influence but in no way proves cause, the
former/successor relationship is clearly more important to former pastors than
it is to interim or successor pastors.
When asked if there were specific courtesies or actions
performed by their colleague—predecessor or successor— that the respondent
would recommend to other pastors, successor pastors most appreciated:
The former pastor’s support for the successor’s ministry,
demonstrated in actions such as leaving a file, making introductions to people,
conveying a public attitude of approval, offering advice when asked, serving as
a consultant when needed, and being clear about plans and intentions
Maintaining good boundaries by not interfering, refusing
requests for pastoral services, and calling ahead of time when coming to the
congregation
Former pastor appreciated actions such as these:
·
Being called about deaths of long-time members and staff
·
Experiencing some collaboration in the transition process and
having the opportunity to offer clarification and support to their successor
·
Being invited and welcomed on occasion to participate in an
event at their former congregation
·
Continuing Friendships with Some Congregational Members
As highlighted by the numerous responses to Barnes’s “Pastor,
Not Friend” column, continuing friendships is a dicey issue. Responses to the
Pastoral Transitions Survey suggest that pastors are commonly friends with
former parishioners. The average former pastor has about six close friends from
her former parish. These appear to be a natural extension of friendships
developed during a pastorate and do not seem to be a problem for either congregational
member or successor pastor respondents, as long as the former pastor’s new role
is understood and good boundaries are maintained regarding the current life and
leadership of the congregation.
Although only former pastors were asked about continuing
friendships, a number of comments by other respondents reflected general
acceptance of these relationships. Contrary to the wisdom I have inherited and
much of the literature I reviewed, congregational members in this survey did
not seem to resent the fact that their former minister occasionally sees other
members as friends. They seem to take that for granted. One member who was
“highly satisfied” with the transition wrote:
I have not had any engagement with the former pastors in my
church setting, although I have seen one of them in other settings and have
heard about her life from people who were better friends with her than I was.
These communications were entirely private and appropriate, as this former
pastor is well aware and schooled in boundary issues.
Another member respondent who is friends with a former pastor of
her congregation wrote, “I do have an ongoing relationship with the former
pastor but never discuss the current pastor.” The most memorable comment from
all the surveys was, “Whenever asked about the congregation, the former pastor
always responds, ‘Isn’t it a beautiful day?’”
Successor pastors also did not seem to experience stress about these
relationships, as noted by this suburban pastor: “The first long-term pastor
... remained somewhat in contact with a few members of the church. This was not
deleterious to the ministry of the church.” An interim pastor commented, “There
may be some communication from a long distance but not in any way that is
interfering in the life of the congregation.”
All such acceptance evaporates when the former pastor does not
scrupulously maintain pastoral-transition boundaries. Unbounded personal
relationships with former members can cause great harm to congregations and
successor ministries, which is, I suspect, why a more cut-and- dried, “no
contacts” interpretation of the guidelines is tempting.
So how do we respond to the friends- with-former-members quandary?
It depends. It depends on the health and maturity of the pastor and those with
whom she or he is engaged, and how well the necessary boundaries are understood
and followed by all concerned. It depends on the nature, history, conduct, and
focus of the friendship, and the member-friend’s relationship and commitment to
the congregation and its new leader. Such friendships can probably never be
without risk and misunderstandings. Attempting to follow a blanket “no
contacts” policy, however, also involves losses, costs, and pain for all
concerned.
Final Words
Every pastoral transition involves a unique history, present
circumstances, and personalities. Although policies and procedures are
essential for effective planning, administration, and training, they need to be
thoughtfully, not blindly, applied. Openness and clear communications build
trust, reduce anxiety, and engender support. Triangulated inquiring, sharing,
and advocacy are deadly.
Professional competence and personal self-awareness are critical
for successful pastoral transitions. Stated conversely, no number of wise
policies, good intensions, and careful preparations can protect a system from
the damage inflicted by uninformed, unskilled, self-absorbed, hostile, or
mentally unstable participants. This reality underscores the importance of
denominational screening and monitoring of authorized ministers in the
congregation and the promotion of healthy behaviors in every aspect of
congregational life, including the relationship between former pastors and
congregations.
Notes
1. M. Craig Barnes, “Pastor, Not Friend,” Faith Matters, The
Christian Century, January 9, 2013, www.christiancentury.
org/article/2012-12/pastor-not-friend.
2. Edward A. White. Saying Goodbye: A Time of Growth for Congregations
and Pastors (Washington DC: Alban Institute, 1990), 98-99.
3. Frederick Lucian Hosmer, “Forward Through the Ages,” The
United Methodist Hymnal, #555.
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