Wednesday, February 19, 2014 "Anger Is a Choice"
“Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.”--Proverbs 29:11 (NLT)
If you want to tame your temper, you must resolve to manage it.
You have to quit saying, “I can’t control it!” and realize that you can. Just like love, anger is a choice. When you get angry, you choose to get angry. Nobody is forcing you to get angry. People say, “You make me so mad!” But nobody can make you mad without your permission. Anger is a choice, and you must choose to control it if you want to be a loving person.
You have far more control over your anger than you may want to admit. Let me give you an example.
Let’s say you’re at home and you’re in an argument with somebody in your family. Your voices are raised, you’re getting excited, and you’re upset. All of a sudden, the phone rings, and you answer sweetly, “Hello? Oh, yes! It’s for you honey!”
What happened? You didn’t want to be embarrassed or have to explain, so you flipped your anger off real quick. Anger is highly controllable!
The Bible says in Proverbs 29:11, “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back” (NLT). Do you want to be a foolish person or a wise person? How you respond to a situation is your responsibility and yours alone. Anger is a choice.
The time to decide to manage your anger is not when your blood pressure is rising, your adrenaline is shooting into your system, you can feel the flush in your face, and your muscles tense.
You’ve already lost the battle at that point.
Resolve to manage your anger in advance — before you go into that meeting or open the front door to home at the end of the day. You decide, “Today, I’m just not going to get angry. I’m not going to let it get to me.” You manage your anger by first resolving — deciding in advance — that you’re going to hold back your anger.
Talk It Over:
• What are some strategies you can use or have used to keep your anger in check?
• What is a better way to respond to a situation that makes you angry? How can you get your message across without being foolish?
• What do you think is the loving way to respond to someone who cannot control his or her anger?
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Friday, February 21, 2014 "Reflect Before Reacting"
“Stupid people express their anger openly, but sensible people are patient and hold it back.”--Proverbs 29:11 (GNT)
Have you noticed you can’t put your foot in your mouth when it’s closed?
Proverbs 29:11 says, “Stupid people express their anger openly, but sensible people are patient and hold it back” (GNT). One of the best tools for anger management is delay. Just wait a minute! Don’t respond right away to that email that upset you. When someone says something mean to you, walk away if you have to.
This verse is basically the biblical basis for the term, “Chill out!” When you start to get angry, give yourself time to chill out. Take time to think and reflect. Delay is a great remedy to anger.
What do you do during the delay? There are three questions you need to ask when you’re reflecting before reacting:
“Why am I angry?” The problem is not your anger. Anger is a symptom. Anger is the warning light.
“What do I really want?” What is it that you’re not getting? What is the need that’s being unfulfilled in your life?
“How can I get it?” How can you get what you want from what’s irritating you? I guarantee you blowing up and losing your cool is not the best way to get what you want.
When something ticks you off or makes you mad, the Bible says to first resolve to manage it, then remember the cost of losing your temper, and then reflect before reacting.
Talk It Over:
• What character traits or features do you notice about people who are easily angered?
• What do you think you should do with your answer to the question, “How can I get what I really want?”
• How could remembering the cost of anger help you reflect before reacting?
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Saturday, February 22, 2014 "A New Way of Thinking"
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”--Romans 12:2 (NLT)
The way you express your anger is a learned response. You didn’t just automatically choose it; somebody modeled it for you. Anger response is a learned response.
The good news is you can unlearn it. You don’t have to stay that way. You can learn new patterns and habits. You don’t have to keep perpetuating what your parents and their parents and their parents did. Every time you get angry in an inappropriate way, you’re modeling it for your kids. You’re teaching them how to do it the wrong way, and they’re going to teach their kids how to do it the wrong way. Somebody has to stop the cycle!
The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (NLT). What’s the behavior of this world? Repress, express, and suppress.
Television and movies are filled with violent responses to people who are frustrated, hurt, or feel out of control. Kids learn from the models they observe. You don’t want to teach your kids wrong ways to be angry.
The key to learning a new way to handle anger is in Romans 12:2: “changing the way you think.”
If you want to change the way you act, you don’t focus on the behavior. You don’t even go back to the way you feel. You start by changing the way you think. When you change your mental process, it’s going to change the way you feel, and it’s going to change your behavior. You will be “transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
That’s what God does for you. He’s the one who can change the destructive thought patterns in your mind and transform you into a new person.
Talk It Over:
• What patterns do you see in your family that have affected the way you respond to difficult situations?
• How can you better model for your kids or others how to respond to people in loving ways?
• In what other ways do you want God to transform you into a “new person”?
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Sunday, February 23, 2014 "Anger Starts in the Heart"
“Whatever is in your heart determines what you say.”--Matthew 12:34b (NLT)
A problem with anger isn’t going to be solved by a trip to the doctor or an episode of “Dr. Phil” or a self-help book. The real secret to managing anger is God’s power to change you on the inside. Romans 15:5 says, “May the patience and encouragement that come from God allow you to live in harmony with each other the way Christ Jesus wants” (NCV).
How does God help you with your bad habit of anger? He goes straight to the heart of the problem, which is a problem in the heart. Anger doesn’t start in your behavior, your background, or your feelings. It starts in the heart.
The Bible says, “Whatever is in your heart determines what you say” (Matthew 12:34b NLT). Our mouths just betray what we’re really like inside. Sometimes I hear people say something really mean or unkind and then they say, “Oh, I don’t know what got into me. That’s not like me.”
Oh, yes it is! Your mouth just reveals what’s in your heart. Someone’s harsh tongue reveals an angry heart. When you meet somebody with a negative tongue, you know he’s got a fearful heart. When someone has a boasting tongue, it reveals an insecure heart. Someone’s judgmental tongue just exposes a guilty heart. Somebody with a filthy tongue has an impure heart.
On the other hand, if you find somebody who’s always encouraging others, he has a happy heart. If he’s always speaking in a gentle way, you know he’s got a loving heart. If he’s able to control his words, you know he’s got a peaceful heart.
Are you satisfied with the words that naturally come out of your mouth? If not, then you need a heart transplant. You need a new heart! David says in Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (NIV).
If your heart is crying out inside, it’s because you haven’t ever fully received the warmth and security of a relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus can replace a hurting heart with his love. He cares about your pain, and he will help you heal so that your words give life and reveal the hope you have in Christ.
Talk It Over:
• What kind of speech comes most easily for you?
• How do you want your words to affect other people? What do you need to change for that to happen?
• Think about the people in your life who are natural encouragers. What can you learn from them?
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