United Methodist News ~ Monday, 4 November 2013

United Methodist News ~ Monday, 4 November 2013

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“Students on college campuses might not call it bullying because they think bullying is just a child’s thing. Instead, they may refer to it as ‘drama,’ but no matter what label they give it, it ends up with one person constantly going out of their way to make another person miserable.”~—Brent Harger, assistant professor of sociology at United Methodist-related Albright College.

United Methodist campuses fight bullying by Susan Passi-Klaus*

READING, Pa. (UMNS) — One would think kids would stop picking on each other when they get to college. Not true, said Brent Harger, assistant professor of sociology at United Methodist-related Albright College in Reading, Pa.

“Students on college campuses might not call it bullying because they think bullying is just a child’s thing,” Harger said. “Instead, they may refer to it as ‘drama,’ but no matter what label they give it, it ends up with one person constantly going out of their way to make another person miserable.”

When kids are younger, meanness might be limited to calling names or stealing money, but the nastiness can escalate in college, especially when bullies use smartphones, social media, text messages, emails and instant messages to be cruel.

According to a study conducted in 2008 at Union College in Schenectady, N.Y., 82 percent of students surveyed had witnessed bullying on campus. Every study participant also said bullying in college occurs at a higher rate than in high school.

Apparently, college students are not very different from seventh- and eighth-graders. Middle school is the peak time for bullying. It wanes a little in high school, but by the time kids get to college, their childhood patterns re-emerge.

“Somewhere along the line, somebody got the idea that when you graduate from high school, all your past hurts got left behind,” said the Rev. Paul Clark, Albright chaplain. “They were wrong.

"What I see is students bringing old pain with them,” he said. “Whether they have been bullied or are the bullier, old patterns resurface. It’s a drag.”

Wanting to belong

Information distributed by the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention states that all students, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, physical condition, popularity or weight, could be targets of bullying and cyberbullying.

Reasons for bullying are what many would call petty — making fun of the shoes someone wears or the backpack they carry. Students can fuss over how peers talk, where they come from or their status — whether they are a “have” or a “have not.”

When students first arrive at college, they often look for the same thing they sought in middle school — to be included, to fit in. The problem is that it takes time for them to find their niche, which may not include roommates, classmates, campus cliques or people who share the same table in the dining hall.

“It takes students longer to get together with others who are like-minded than people think,” Harger said. “A student who is just starting college and doesn’t know many people might put a lot of emphasis on what a roommate thinks of his or her clothing or interests. On the other hand, a student who feels like he or she is a part of a larger group is more likely to disregard comments from somebody who is not a part of that group.”

Harger said the challenge is to help students make connections to feel they are part of the community. Some students may find community in Greek life or sports teams, but for others, it might be the biology club or faith-based groups.

Clark acknowledged that one of the biggest triggers for desperate behavior is loneliness. “What people really want is to belong.”

Cyberbullying targets vulnerability

Part of the sensitivity problem might be something Clark calls “hyper-alienation.” He has noticed that when students give themselves over to technology, it separates them from themselves and others.

“Often, students come in for counseling and put their cell phone right beside them where they can listen for its buzz and check to see who is calling,” Clark said. “Their cell phone is their best friend.”

Bullies also use cell phones and computers to intimidate and coerce others.

Using electronic devices and new technologies to send harmful psychological messages or threaten a person in a negative way is cyberbullying. It can range from making a full-blown physical threat to posting an embarrassing photograph.

“Cyberbullying amps up the attention paid to someone who is different,” Harger said. “Bullying becomes very public, and victims may feel like the entire campus is looking at them and judging them. They become very vulnerable, even though it may not involve everyone on campus.”

Adolph Brown, a master teacher and lecturer, is one of few public speakers talking about college bullying. Brown has two college-age children. His 19-year-old daughter, Maranda, attends United Methodist-related Virginia Wesleyan College. Son, Adolph, 20, attends Virginia State University.

“When students are not taught to behave consistently in a Christlike manner, that’s when maladaptive behaviors become the norm,” Brown said. “Character is not just important for my child, but for every child on campus. Positive behavior is contagious.”

Zero tolerance

Colleges are just beginning to address students who “pick on each other” to the point of doing harm. Whether it’s physical bullying (hitting, kicking, spitting, pushing and biting); verbal bullying (taunting, name-calling, threatening and belittling); or psychological bullying (spreading rumors, social exclusion, intimidation, extortion and sexual harassment), Clark said schools like United Methodist-related Albright have zero tolerance of hateful behavior toward other students.

“We just can’t have that,” he said. “That’s not how human beings can live together. It destroys communities.”

Clark, Harger and their colleagues work to find solutions to relationship problems. Albright offers everything from an early-alert process and non-violence training to spiritual direction classes and student “check-ins.”

“All of the institutions in the United Methodist education connection strive to build moral and ethical character and strengthen community,” said Gerald D. Lord, an executive with the United Methodist Board of Higher Education and Ministry. “The values our colleges instill in students affect their experiences on campus as well as the rest of their lives. That’s one characteristic that sets United Methodist-related colleges apart from the rest.”

“We are a United Methodist college,” Clark said. “I consider my place here to be crucial in bringing a spiritual presence and healing. Most of the people who seek me out are often referred to as the ‘unchurched,’ but people without a spiritual connection can often find it in the chaplain’s office.”

*Passi-Klaus is a writer with the Public Information Team, United Methodist Communications, Nashville, Tenn.

Contact: Susan Passi-Klaus, Nashville, Tenn., (615) 742-5138 or presscenter@umcom.org.

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Girls learning to feel worthy, have worthy lives by John Coleman

BALTIMORE (UMNS) — Like too many girls, Ariel Gilliam, a shy 8-year-old, was used to being bullied at school. She would keep to herself mostly, but then “act out” with aggression when she’d had enough, according to her mother.

So it was no surprise that learning to understand and to resist bullying through assertive behavior was Ariel’s favorite lesson at Worthy Girls, Worthy Lives, a new, 10-week education and mentoring program in inner-city Baltimore, Md.

Ariel’s shyness is giving way to growing self-expression. “They’re teaching her to be more confident, and she’s even becoming a role model to her friends,” said Linnea Wayman, a grateful mom who uses Facebook and other social media to eagerly tell friends and family about this newfound blessing in her daughter’s life.

The aptly named Worthy Girls, Worthy Lives (WGWL) is one of two innovative local ministries launched in 2013 and resourced through a new collaborative initiative called Spark12. Spark12, a pilot incubator program, was a collaborative effort by several United Methodist agencies, including the General Board of Higher Education and Ministry, the General Board of Church and Society, and United Methodist Communication.   The Leadership Table, which authorized the first year of the program, also included the General Board of Discipleship, and the General Board of Global Ministries.

The Spark12 program helps emerging Christian leaders – mostly young adults – design, launch, and find sustainable support for start-up ministries that emphasize social justice and equal opportunity.

A second round of applications will be accepted early next year.

After months of training, selection, and preparation, Kirstyn Mayden, WGWL executive director, and Ava Simpson, assistant director, welcomed their first class of 13 young girls on July 27.  For 10 Saturdays, the girls, mostly ages 9 to 12, joined in creative activities to learn self-esteem, personal responsibility, service to others, spiritual growth, and leadership skills.

On Oct. 12, at Baltimore’s Eubie Blake Cultural Center, 10 girls received certificates and celebrated the completion of their first session with a banquet and visual and verbal presentations of what they had learned.

They had created colorful anti-bullying T-shirts and “vision boards” to illustrate their own hopes and dreams. They had visited museums, kept daily journals, and learned gardening, healthy nutrition, personal hygiene, grooming and exercise, restaurant etiquette, interpretive dance, and other self-enriching pursuits.

“It felt awesome to learn how to dance with feeling and to express myself,” Samaya Johnson, 11, told the audience. She also assured them, “I’ll never be a bully.” Like other girls who spoke, she intends to bring a friend to the next session, beginning in January 2014, when program organizers hope to have 15 girls enrolled.

Samaya’s mother, Gwendolyn Johnson, one of several parents who also addressed the gathering, said she could tell her daughter was “learning to make good choices and decisions for herself . . . and having experiences that build character.”

Mayden and Simpson, both in their thirties, attend Celebration Church on Monroe Street, a Baltimore congregation and site of the Worthy Girls, Worthy Lives program. Through the church, the two friends have worked for several years with girls in the surrounding Poppleton community, an area rife with poverty, crime, teen pregnancy, poor academic performance, and poor health.

Mayden, a graduate of Spelman College in Atlanta, Ga., also earned a Master of Divinity degree from Candler School of Theology at Emory University. An intake counselor at a local adult education center, she has 12 years of experience as a tutor, summer camp teacher, counselor, and children’s program director.

Simpson, a Howard University graduate with a Master’s degree in Public Administration, has experience in nonprofit children’s programs and in writing and public speaking, which she teaches to the girls. Both partners speak of the importance of ardent commitment in this ministry and their “passion to help girls succeed in life.”

“A lot of these girls don’t have freedom or opportunities to dream and articulate their dreams,” said Mayden. “This is the age group that often doesn’t get enough attention or support; but they are vibrant and talented, and we’re trying to expose them to knowledge and life skills that can benefit them in this transitional period, as they begin to mature into young adults.”

Worthy Girls, Worthy Lives reminded Tracy Adams of her own difficult childhood. “I was always blaming my mother for everything,” she confessed to the audience. “But I when I thought about it later, I realized I didn’t think much of myself as a child. I didn’t think of myself as worthy. I’m glad this program is helping and caring for my daughter.”

Spark12 provided Mayden and Simpson with a $10,000 seed grant and 12 weeks of coaching and boot-camp-style training in program and curriculum development, fundraising and friend-raising, promotion through traditional and social media, and other basics needed for any start-up business or organization.

While its goal is to support innovative social justice ministries in the U.S., Africa, and the Philippines, the Spark12 program is also considered a means of developing principled Christian leaders, one of four areas of mission focus adopted by the 2008 General Conference, the denomination’s top legislative body.

TO LEARN MORE

"Worthy Girls, Worthy Lives," a resource for African-American girls ages 9 to 14 and young women that helps them understand their worth as children of God and learn to find their voices in the midst of unrealistic media portrayals of women and African-Americans.  Visit www.worthygirlsworthylives.com, or call 443-621-9326.

John W. Coleman, of Laurel, Md.,  is an independent, multi-media journalist in The United Methodist Church.
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Resource list, sample anti-bullying policies

BULLYING RESOURCES

Bullying goes against the teachings of Jesus Christ, and the General Rules of the Methodist Church. Sadly, today, it is likely that all children experience bullying in one or more ways—as victim, as silent bystander, as victimizer, or as a disciple. This resource list and sample Anti-Bullying policy will support your congregation in supporting and guiding children.

Forthe PDF download of the below resource list:Helping Children Address Bullying

For the PDF download of the sample policy:Sample Anti-Bullying Policy

Scripture Reference:
"Conduct yourselves with all humility, gentleness, and patience. Accept each other with love, and make every effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit with the peace that ties you together."~–Ephesians 4.1-4 Common English Bible

Resources for Leaders:
Part 3 of an article from UM Portal on bullying with specific questions for members of the congregation:http://www.umc-gbcs.org/site/c.frLJK2PKLqF/b.3794227/apps/s/content.asp?ct=8401433

Booklet on Abuse and Bullying from the General Board of Church and Society with practical helps:http://www.umc-gbcs.org/atf/cf/%7B689FEA4C-8849-4C05-A89E-C9BC7FFFF64C%7D/Bully_DVBrochure.pdf

An adult’s reflection on his childhood experience with bullying:http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

Moozie is devoted to helping pre-k and kindergarten children discover the universal benefits of kind behavior and kind actshttp://www.moozie.com/about/

Develop a "Safe Space" Covenant based on the General Rules of the Methodist Church and make it part of your Safe Sanctuaries Guidelines

Help children build healthy relationships through covenant discipleship groups Contact:mgordon@gbod.org orsmanskar@gbod.org

Books for Children: Booklist from the Santa Clara County Libraryhttp://www.santaclaracountylib.org/kids/lists/bullies_younger/index.html

A message for children that will help children remember that God is with them in times of trouble: http://gbod.org.s3.amazonaws.com/legacy/kintera/entry_1109/19/CHILDRENS_MESSAGE_BULLYING2011.PDF

The American Camp Association offers resources appropriate for camp leaders. These resources are also appropriate for children and youth groups.http://www.acacamps.org/child-health-safety/bullying/articles

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Illinois church helps heal parents who lost infants

Hinsdale Hospital program helps heal parents who have lost infants

by: Kimberly Fornek | kfornek@pioneerlocal.com | @kfdoings

HINSDALE, Ill. (UMNS) — Parents spoke of their children who barely lived, but will never be forgotten, during a ceremony at Hinsdale United Methodist Church Wednesday evening.

About 180 people filled the church for Adventist Hinsdale Hospital’s 25th annual Still Missed Memorial Service.

Litsa Tsarouhis, of Burr Ridge, who lost her twins, Maria and Chris, 14 years ago, told parents, “My prayer for those of you who only recently experienced this loss and are just beginning the healing journey is that you will take care of yourselves emotionally and physically in order … to continue to serve the purpose for which you are here.”

In the short time their children were with them, they brought gifts from heaven, Tsarouhis said.

“Because of them, we bring more compassion to the world, a strong sense of the value of life and a perspective to what is most important,” Tsarouhis said.

Before she lost her twins, Tsarouhis said she was “really clueless to the pain of other people.” But since that loss, she is more compassionate and a much stronger person, she said.

“Tonight, my prayer … and my hope is that all of us will find comfort in the blessings we have received from our precious children and in the knowledge that one day we will be holding them in our arms again.”

Mark Schaefer, of Elmhurst, said the gifts he and his wife received after their daughter Joy Angel was stillborn in 2005 are their two adopted sons, Ryan and Brandon.

“We didn’t want to try again after that, so we chose adoption,” Schaefer said.

Marcie Calandra, who lost a son 27 years ago, said fathers, too, need support and comfort.

Calandra had an 18-month-old girl when her son was stillborn, so she had plenty of sympathetic friends in her circle to comfort her. But she did not realize her husband’s grief until five months later, when he started sobbing during a church service on Mother’s Day.

“I realized then that no one had given him the attention he needed,” said Calandra, who lives in Hinsdale. “That broke my heart again.”

Jane Lombard and Mike Ryce attended the service in honor of their daughter McKenzie, who was born in Hinsdale Hospital in July 2011 and died when she was 17 days old.

“It was hard to be around people at first,” she said. But the people in the Still Missed program helped Lombard get through that tragedy.

“Even when I didn’t call them back, they still called me,” Lombard said. She attended the parent support meetings and the Still Missed Memorial Service every year since her daughter’s death.

“The consistency of being around the same people every year” helps, Lombard said. “They are grieving for the same reasons. It’s a bond.”

Ryce was attending his first Still Missed service and said it gave him “the sense of not forgetting the importance of her birth.”

Several parents and family members expressed that sentiment.

As part of the ceremony, the name of each baby who died is read aloud, as a family member pins a white felt dove with the name of the child written on it to a large banner.

“That’s my favorite part,” said Dawn Rubio, whose son Jack died in 2003 when he was six days old. “We are never going to hear his name when he graduates or gets an award. But when I come here, they say his name and that’s the only time I am going to hear his name said aloud in public.”

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Nebraska pastor practices, preaches healthy living by Leia Mendoza / World-Herald staff writer

NORTH OMAHA, Neb. (UMNS) — The Rev. Portia Cavitt literally practices what she preaches.
About three years ago, Cavitt amped up the wellness program at Clair Memorial United Methodist Church, 5544 Ames Ave., to get more people interested in health and fitness. She created a walking club and health food tasting classes; introduced weekly fitness classes such as aerobics; and helped expand the church’s community garden.
“With so many health disadvantages for minorities, we wanted to change those odds for the African-Americans in my congregation and our community,” she said. “Your church family is your support group.”
In the last six months she’s been more active, exercising often and eating right, which led her to lose about 30 pounds.
For her work, Cavitt is the first recipient of the Golden Beet Award from the Douglas County Health Department, which is designed to recognize individuals who have incorporated community goals into their neighborhoods.
“Rev. Cavitt is one of the dynamic individuals in our community who took the goals of community health from thought to implementation. Her energy and tenacity is inspiring, and her work is making a real shift in health behavior in north Omaha,” said Mary Balluff, chief of community health and nutrition services at the Douglas County Health Department.”

Copyright ©2013 Omaha World-Herald®. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, displayed or redistributed for any purpose without permission from the Omaha World-Herald.

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WCC assembly includes 21 ecumenical conversations by Gladys Mangiduyos*

BUSAN, Korea (UMNS) — As the World Council of Churches assembly theme beckons the participants to ask God to lead them to justice and peace, spaces for celebration, dialogue and reflection are provided.

Ecumenical conversation is the avenue for that in-depth dialogue.

The 21 organized ecumenical conversations during the Oct. 30-Nov.8 assembly engage participants in sustained and in-depth conversations on critical issues that affect the life and witness of the church today.

One of the conversations, “Human Security: Towards Sustaining Peace with Justice and Rights,” challenges the traditional notion and dominant practice of national security by arguing that the proper referent for security is the human being.

“Human security is profoundly linked to human dignity, human rights and fullness of life,” explained the Rev. Liberato Bautista, an executive with the United Methodist Board of Church and Society, who is serving as a resource person for that conversation.

True human security, he argued in the initial presentation, ensures the integration of justice, peace and human rights with the nurturing of sustainable communities. “Any discussion about security,” Bautista said, “must address risks and vulnerabilities that marginalize, minoritize and dehumanize peoples.”

Human dignity is a gift from God, not the result of the benevolence of the state, he pointed out. Assaults on human rights are therefore a source of insecurity and vulnerability.

Discussions about human security are not alien to the ecumenical agenda, Bautista reminded the group. Globalization, especially related to issues of capital and labor, is a matter demanding the attention of the ecumenical movement.

The next sessions of the conversation will engage participants on the biblical basis and contextual experiences of human security and look at situations such as militarization and climate change, which greatly affect indigenous peoples.

Each conversation, unfolding over four 90-minute sessions, has between 80 and 120 participants. The conversation groups will prepare short reports that will be submitted to the new WCC Central Committee in 2014.

* Mangiduyos, a deaconess in the United Methodist Philippines Central Conference, is a UMNS correspondent at the World Council of Churches 10th Assembly in Busan, Korea.

News media contact: Linda Bloom, New York, (646) 369-3759 or newsdesk@umcom.org.

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Correction: An item in the Nov. 1 Daily Digest about the World Council of Churches assembly should have referred to it as the first assembly to be held in northeast Asia, not Asia. 

Looking ahead

Here are some of the activities ahead for United Methodists across the connection. If you have an item to share with others, email newsdesk@umcom.org and put Digest in the subject line.

Free webinar “Exploring the Bible through Multiple Intelligences,” Tuesday, Nov. 5 — 6:30 p.m. CT, applying work of Harvard University’s Howard Gardner to Bible study. To register.

Free webinar “Children and Worship: The Conversation Continues,” Thursday, Nov. 7 — 10 a.m. CT. How did Jesus address children in worship? How should we address that ongoing question of whether children should worship with the gathered body? To register.
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Free webinar “Developing Your Ministry Plan 3: Discovering your Discipleship Process,” Thursday, Nov. 7 — 6:30 p.m. CT. This session will focus on four key areas of congregational life: values, small groups, worship and preaching. To register.

In Mission Together, Thursday-Saturday, Nov. 7-9 — The United Methodist Board of Global Ministries will hold 50/50 Partnership Roundtable for United Methodists in the U.S., Eastern Europe and the Balkans. The gathering is at Cheviot United Methodist Church in Cincinnati, Ohio. Details.

Red Bird Mission Appalachian Craft Fair, Saturday, November 9 — 9 a.m.-2 p.m. ET, Bethel United Methodist Church-Chewsville, 21006 Twin Springs Dr., Smithsburg, Md. Details.

Spirituality of Advent Retreat, Saturday, Nov. 9 — 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. CT, Scarritt-Bennett Center, Nashville, Tenn. $25. Details.

International Day to Pray for the Persecuted Church, Sunday, Nov. 10 — Prayer resources from the United Methodist Board of Discipleship.

Veterans Day or Armistice Day, Monday, Nov.11 — Resources for honoring military veterans, from United Methodist Communications and from United Methodist Board of Discipleship.

Workshop on Advocacy, Tuesday-Thursday, Nov. 12-14 — Training for anyone asked to be an advocate for a pastor or lay person. To register and learn the cost and location, contact the Rev. Jerry Eckert of Associates in Advocacy at aj_eckert@hotmail.com. Registration limited. 

Free webinar “Creating Sacred Spaces and Praying through Our Senses,” Thursday, Nov. 14 —7 p.m. CT. The final offering in the “Teach Us to Pray” series will look at the value of creating set-aside space for prayer and devotional time. As Advent approaches, the webinar also will look at how icons and other visual images, music and incense can enrich Christians’ experience of drawing nearer to God through prayer. Details.

Free webinar “How We Handle Money in the Church,” Thursday, Nov. 14 — 6:30 p.m. CT. Every church that has had a crisis of financial impropriety thought what it was doing was fine until the day the impropriety was discovered. What’s your church’s policy for handing the gifts people entrust to you? To register.
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“Day1,” Sundays, Nov. 17 and 24 — The Rev. Amy L. Gearhart, senior pastor of Missouri United Methodist Church in Columbia, will be the featured speaker on the nationally syndicated radio program “Day1.” To listen.

Free webinar “Using Children’s Literature in Children’s Ministry,” Tuesday, Nov. 19 — 10 a.m. CT. Children's ministers from across the connection will discuss ways to incorporate children's literature in Sunday school, weekday ministries, small groups, nursery and other activities in the church. To register.

Free webinar “Maximizing the Mission Through Debt Reduction,” Wednesday, Nov. 20 — 3 p.m. CT, covers specific steps taken by Ceta Canyon Camp leaders and stakeholders that turned around a $1.4 million debt. To register.
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United Methodist Student Day, Sunday, Nov. 24 — Celebrate the United Methodist college and university students in your church. Offerings for this Special Sunday supports scholarships and loans for students attending United Methodist-related and other accredited colleges and universities. To learn more.

Thanksgiving, Thursday, Nov. 28 — Worship resources from the United Methodist Board of Discipleship.

Online course “Behold! Cultivating Attentiveness in the Season of Advent,” Dec. 1-25 — eRetreat featuring Pamela Hawkins’s Advent resource “Behold! Cultivating Attentiveness in the Season of Advent,” presented by Upper Room eLearning and BeADisciple, $40. Details.
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Online course “The Uncluttered Heart: Making Room for God during Advent and Christmas,” Dec. 1– Jan. 5, 2014 — eRetreat offers guided reflection through the weeks of Advent on through Epiphany. Each day provides a quotation, scripture passage, reflection, prayer. This online retreat is presented by Upper Room eLearning and BeADisciple, $40. Details.
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#GivingTuesday, Dec. 3 — United Methodists are invited to participate in #GivingTuesday, when every gift made online through the The Advance will be matched dollar for dollar up to $500,000 total and $50,000 for any one project. Visit umcmission.org/give.

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United Methodist News Service

United Methodist Communications

810 12th Avenue South

Nashville, TN 37203 United States

Phone: (615)742~5400

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