Alban Weekly from The Duke Divinity School in Durham, North Carolina, United States "PRACTICAL WISDOM FOR LEADING CONGREGATIONS: Communication in the Church: Creating Healthier Relationships" for Monday, 5 December 2016

Alban Weekly from The Duke Divinity School in Durham, North Carolina, United States "PRACTICAL WISDOM FOR LEADING CONGREGATIONS: Communication in the Church: Creating Healthier Relationships" for Monday, 5 December 2016 
PRACTICAL WISDOM FOR LEADING CONGREGATIONS

Communication in the Church: Creating healthier relationships
THOMAS KIRKPATRICK'S NEW BOOK OFFERS WAYS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION
Thomas Kirkpatrick: Communication in the Church — Creating Healthier Relationships
Consider this scenario…
An outreach ministry team seeks council approval to use mission auction monies for an elevator to make the congregation’s building more accessible to people with disabilities. During council discussion of this request, the pastor questions the appropriateness of using mission funds for an elevator. After all, she points out, mission monies should be used only for the congregation’s outreach ministries. Since no one from the outreach ministry team is present, council refers the request back for clarification.
This referral action seems sensible, except for an important misperception: the outreach ministry team thinks their request is rejected rather than returned for clarification. They also feel that the pastor exerts undue influence in the council’s action.
Feeling hurt, unappreciated, and ignored, the ministry team members angrily demand a meeting with the pastor. They also send her a feisty memo expressing their frustration, including a sharply worded demand that the council reconsider their request. They argue that people outside the congregation will use the elevator, including a number of organizations that meet at congregation’s building (e.g. A.A., a preschool, etc.) Their rationale acknowledges that an elevator serves the congregation, but presents compelling ways that it also is an outreach ministry.
What happens next?
When the disgruntled outreach ministry team meets with the pastor, she corrects the misperception that the council denied their request. However, rather than talk past one another, play the blame-game, let the conflict spiral out of control, further damage trust, or fracture relationships, the pastor listens to ministry team members’ feelings of anger and hurt. She also checks her perception of what she heard them say and feel. Moreover, rather than try to convince these members that they no longer have reason to feel angry, the pastor calmly acknowledges their frustration.
This pastor’s active listening and perception checking skills, together with her non-anxious presence, defuse this potentially conflicted situation. It communicates to ministry team members that the she takes them seriously. They feel confirmed, understood, and appreciated. It also communicates that the pastor tries to use her power and influence to serve and help rather than cajole and control.
However, this incident could have had a very different, all-too-common outcome.
Why healthy communication matters
Feelings of neglect, resentment, anger, blame, lack of appreciation, and frustration are often long lasting. Misperceptions, anxiety, passive-aggressive communication styles, power struggles, dis-confirming messages, cultural insensitivity, ineffective listening, and destructive conflict often have dire consequences––individually, collectively, and synergistically. In fact, these communication breakdowns can spiral out of control, leading to such disgruntlement, dissension, distrust, and division that people angrily leave the congregation.
By contrast, effectively employed communication behaviors can avert a potentially disastrous situation. Use of wise, timely, and effective interpersonal, small group, and organizational communication skills can make the difference between destructive, out-of-control, unhealthy relationships and constructive, manageable, healthy ones.
Communication in the Church: A Handbook for Healthier Relationships, a recently released Rowman & Littlefield and Alban publication by Thomas G. Kirkpatrick, targets six topics that account for the vast majority of communication breakdowns in our congregations:

1. Building relationships
2. Leading meetings
3. Experiencing trust
4. Practicing forgiveness
5. Using power
6. Bridging cultures

It provides some simple guidelines that can go a long way in helping people improve the quality of communication in your congregation and everyday life. Hopefully, you’ll find numerous “ah-ha” moments along the way, and even more importantly, some practical skills that will enrich and deepen the relationships in your faith community and beyond.
Thomas G. Kirkpatrick is an educator, trainer, writer, and consultant with specialties in interpersonal communication, small group ministries, and conflict management. He is the author of Small Groups in the Church: A Handbook for Creating Community. He has served as pastor at several churches and professor at University of Dubuque Theological Seminary and Whitworth University, and he has also been a campus minister and program director of camps and conferences. You may contact him at his website.Read more from Thomas Kirkpatrick »
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IDEAS THAT IMPACT: COMMUNICATIONS
Just because you can preach doesn't mean you're a communicator
Faith & Leadership
CHRISTIAN LEADERSHIP, MANAGEMENT, COMMUNICATION
Maria Dixon Hall: Just because you can preach doesn't mean you're a communicator
For an organization in which the word is central, the church does a poor job of communicating, says an SMU professor and consultant. She has some advice on how church leaders can do it better.
Human beings are storytelling creatures, moved and motivated from birth by the power of stories, says communication scholar Maria Dixon Hall.
“One thing we want to know even as a child is, ‘Where do I fit in the story?’” she said.
Yet, with rare exceptions, the church today does a poor job of communicating and telling its story, said Dixon Hall, an associate professor of communication studies at Southern Methodist University.

“The church believes that if you can preach you are a communicator,” she said. “So it has been inattentive to other elements of communication, whether that’s conflict and negotiation or the basic tenets of managerial communication.”
With a background in both the church and business, Dixon Hall said the church can learn much from the business world about how to communicate more effectively and create shared meaning within an organization.
At SMU, Dixon Hall focuses her research on organizational strategy and planning, as well as the intersection of power, identity and culture in corporate, nonprofit and religious organizations. She founded an in-house consulting firm composed of top SMU communication students, whose clients include Southwest Airlines, Dance Theatre of Harlem, the Ugandan American Partnership Organization and the United Methodist Church.
She has a B.S. in marketing from the University of Alabama; an M.Div. and a Th.M. in homiletics from Candler School of Theology, Emory University; and a Ph.D. in organizational communication from the University of Missouri-Columbia.
Dixon Hall spoke with Faith & Leadership about organizational communication and the church. The following is an edited transcript.
Q: What is organizational communication?
Organizational communication studies how people use signs, symbols and words to accomplish the work of the organization. Not only how they use communication to work with each other but also how they tell people outside the organization about their work.
It’s a simple field in that it really just studies how people come together to accomplish their task in an organizational setting.
I came to it because I wanted to understand the church not from its sermons but from the communication that happens between Sundays.
I wanted to understand how we talk Monday through Saturday. Not just how the congregation talks but the staff meetings and the denominational meetings and the worship meetings and the letters that pastors send.
I wanted to understand those and then see how they translate to how the church is perceived broadly.
Q: How well does the church do organizational communication?
For an organization where the word is central, the church as a whole probably does one of the worst jobs.
Some denominations do it better than others. The Mormon Church does it extremely well. If you talk to a Mormon, they know why they’re Mormon. They know the difference it’s made in their lives, and they are able to tell other people.
If you look at the Catholic Church, particularly under Pope Francis in his short time as pope, they are able to communicate why Catholics should “come home(link is external).” That’s one of the most fabulous campaigns I’ve ever seen. They say, “Here are the things that have been wrong with us, but come home; here’s why we’re still relevant to your faith.”
It’s as a United Methodist that I’m probably most disappointed. We struggle with having a unity of message. We struggle with having the hard conversations that some other denominations have had.
We have a culture of niceness. We avoid conflict, so we are not able to hash things out. Our leaders are not able to hash out these very complex issues, and so in turn, they’re unable to help the body of Christ and the people who are called Methodists hash them out.
When an organization doesn’t have a way of engaging in conflict, then they have to find a place to do it, and unfortunately, that’s what General Conference has become.
Q: So organizational communication has a role to play in working through conflict?
Yes. The church believes that if you can preach you are a communicator. So it has been inattentive to other elements of communication, whether that’s conflict and negotiation or the basic tenets of managerial communication.
Some of the church’s greatest problems are about managing and talking to each other. District superintendents are unable to understand how to coach a young clergy member or how to discipline an older clergy member. Organizational communication helps an organization deal with that.
Q: What should denominational leaders and leaders of other Christian institutions be doing? What are the keys to effective organizational communication?
First of all, recognize your role. Every new bishop says, “I want to change the culture.”
Well, organizational communication scholars know that it takes seven to 10 years to change a culture. It takes that long for any organization to learn a new language. By understanding that, a leader can then say, “Here are realistic things I can do to begin to change the way we talk.”
The other thing that organizational communication can do is tell you where the breakdowns are. If you look at how people talk to each other or don’t talk to each other, you’ll know the health of an organization.
Church leaders need to be able to read what their people are saying. They need to hear the voices of the pew in a new way, not just as an indicator of stewardship but also of health.
We’ve been taught to measure people’s love for the church through their stewardship. But stewardship is directly tied to how people talk about their relationship with the church.
The more positively I think and speak about the mission, vision and leadership of my church, the more likely I am to invest my time, energy and money, because I now understand where they are going.
Q: Do people know the answers to those questions about mission and vision and where the money goes?
No. We spend a lot of time on glossy handouts that say, “Here’s where your money is going.” We may have a couple of sermons about stewardship.
But we don’t understand that we’ve been having stewardship sermons, Bible studies and newsletters all year. Every document that we send out as a church is a stewardship document.
We don’t tell our own stories well. A good United Methodist told me yesterday, “I think I’d like to be a Catholic. They have their act together. They’re doing great things in the world, and I know what they stand for.”
That’s stewardship. Those things that Pope Francis has been doing are stewardship, and as a result, people are now going to reinvest in the vision of the Catholic Church.
Human beings are storytelling creatures. From the time that we are born, we are moved and motivated by stories. One thing we want to know even as a child is, “Where do I fit in the story?”
United Methodists have become poor storytellers. We no longer can tell our congregation where they fit in the story of Christ. We no longer can communicate the difference that Christ has made in our lives and in the world, and we are unable to tell people why they should be a starring member in this story.
Q: How are church leaders supposed to turn this around? What’s your advice?
First, get comfortable with your own story. If you can’t tell people the story of why Christ has made a difference in your life and tell it succinctly, then it’s unlikely that they will listen.
I’ve been mentored by some great leaders in business and religion, and one thing that I learned from Herb Kelleher of Southwest Airlines is the importance of story. He tells a story that says, “Here’s why we need Southwest Airlines.”
Theological education doesn’t teach you how to tell a story in a way that allows the church as an organization to live. That story should permeate how we deal with each other in staff meetings and in organizing our work. That story should be relevant when we confront difficult issues.
We are more equipped for talking rather than communicating. Talking is using words in a back-and-forth way. Communicating is creating shared meaning.
We don’t have shared meaning about what it means to be Methodist or a Christian or what it means to be in service.
We are fractured because we don’t know how to create shared meaning. That’s what Christ came to do, to give us an opportunity to bridge the gap and create shared meaning. That meaning comes to me in one of the most powerful means of grace -- coming together as church.
Q: Do corporations do better at creating shared meaning throughout an organization?
Oh my gosh, yes. You see that at Apple. You see that at Southwest Airlines. You see it at key universities.
One of the best leaders I ever worked for is Gerald Turner, the president of Southern Methodist University. I know what we stand for. I know what our goals are. I know how I fit into the story of SMU, and so I am passionate about SMU.
At the beginning of every school year, Dr. Turner stands in front of the faculty and says, “Here’s where we’re going, and here’s how we’re doing so far, and here’s what I need your help in doing. Does anybody have any questions or concerns before we start the car on this semester?”
That creates buy-in. The strategy comes from our board of trustees to our president to our senior administrators to our dean to our chairs and then to the faculty and the students.
The same is true with Southwest Airlines. Southwest Airlines does not view itself as an airline. They say, “We are in the customer service business. We just happen to fly airplanes.”
Everything they do is centered on providing the best customer experience, and their first customers are their employees.
That’s because Herb believed that if the people who work for you are happy, everything else will fall into place. So Southwest set up a system by which they could listen to their people.
The flight attendants, ramp agents and ticket agents know that the leadership of Southwest Airlines has their back, so there’s no fear. There’s no fear of making mistakes. There’s no fear of coming up with new ideas. There’s no fear in taking a risk.
Q: Is fear pervasive in organizations today?
Oh, yes. Particularly in hard economic times, people are afraid of making mistakes. They are afraid to try, because if they fail, they may get fired. So failure becomes bad.
At SMU and Southwest Airlines, failure is more about not trying something new.
You have to develop a culture of risk -- a culture where people say, “I have an idea, and I’d love to try it out.” What SMU and Southwest have done is create entrepreneurs with servants’ hearts.
Messiness is not a problem in those organizations. It is not a problem at SMU or Southwest to have a disagreement or to try something new.
It is a problem when you fall into mediocrity or when you make it someone else’s problem and you are afraid to try.
Q: If there was a “Southwest Church,” who are the employees who are the first customers, the ones whose backs are covered?
It’s clergy.
Some people say, “Oh, our clergy are so well taken care of.” No, really they’re not. They’re squeezed in so many different ways that they are dictated to but rarely listened to.
Our district superintendents and our bishops are so overtaxed they don’t get a chance to know the people they’re serving with. There are not mechanisms to get to know folks. It is difficult to go into war with someone that you don’t really trust, and you don’t trust them because you don’t know them.
We’ve created an adversarial relationship between the clergy and the leadership, which turns into an adversarial relationship between the pew and the pulpit. People will say, “Oh, that’s not the case.” But if you take a lot of these leaders and a lot of these clergy off the record, you hear their frustration.
It’s because we’ve not cultivated that shared meaning and shared story. We don’t have a system in which we can truly engage in dialogue.
Q: How does social media change organizational communication? To what extent has it empowered clergy and congregations to start creating this shared meaning?
Social media is the game changer, but not in the way that the church thinks. The church is focused on, “We should get Twitter accounts and Facebook pages.”
No. They shouldn’t be getting the pages; they should be reading the pages.
There you hear the humor, the sarcasm and the views of the people about what’s really going on. Social media is an opportunity for leaders to take their organization’s temperature.
People are no longer afraid to share their views about their organizations and their leaders on Facebook. They’re no longer afraid to hear what people are saying. They want to be in dialogue, and social media provides anonymity, so they don’t have to worry about retribution.
I was in Europe this summer, and I was on a Virgin [Atlantic] train to Wales from London. It was a bad experience, and so I tweeted, “I can’t believe I’m on this train. Virgin Atlantic is terrible.” Within two minutes I had an email from Virgin saying, “How can we make this a better experience for you?”
That is an organization that’s not simply sending out tweets but is monitoring social media and looking for their name and saying, “Here is where the problems are.”
That’s what you do in this era. You can push messages out, but it might be more useful for organizations to put their ears to the ground and listen to what people are saying.
That is such a theologically sound activity. It’s one of the first questions that Jesus asked the disciples: “What are they saying about me?”Read more from the interview with Maria Dixon Hall »
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Resources for church communications in the digital age
Faith & Leadership
TECHNOLOGY, SOCIAL MEDIA, MANAGEMENT, COMMUNICATION
Resources for church communications in the digital age

istock/Henrik Jonsson Graphic Design
Christian leaders today have to grapple with one of the most profoundly disruptive trends in the world: the digital revolution. Faith & Leadership offers resources to help with communications -- online, in traditional media, in marketing, and within organizations.
Christian leaders -- like leaders in all sectors -- have at their disposal one of the most powerful communications tools ever devised. But taking advantage of communications on the Web requires the same theologically wise approach required when engaging with traditional media -- or indeed, in face-to-face communications.
Interested in exploring further? Read about technology and the church.
Our resources include interviews with noted theologians and church leaders, advice from experts and practitioners, and suggestions on how to deal with some common communications challenges.
Theology and digital communications
Verity Jones: Thinking theologically about using social media
The New Media Project wants to help faith leaders become more theologically savvy about social media, which is rapidly changing the landscape of Christian life.

Keith Anderson: Digital ministry and bearing witness to the holy
Social media gives pastors a new ability to point out the presence of God in the day-to-day of people’s lives, says a Lutheran pastor and co-author of a book on digital ministry.
Heidi Campbell: The Internet challenges and empowers religious institutions
The digital culture isn’t changing religion as much as it is reflecting offline shifts in Christian life, says a scholar of religion and media at Texas A&M University.
Tips on digital and media communications
How to enter the digital age
Experts on technology and the church offer advice on how to establish -- or expand -- your organization’s technological presence.

Elizabeth Drescher: Digital ministry, made for the mainline
Networked, relational and incarnational, digital ministry is a good fit for the mainline, a chance to make the privatized practice of faith public and visible in the world again, says the author and scholar.
Nonprofits credit social media for success
MomsRising and charity: water have accomplished much in a short time. Here are some tips on how they did it, with the effective use of social media.
Joshua Benton: Putting the social in social media
Finding the right tool isn’t the answer to communicating online. Social media has to have the tenor of human conversation to be effective, says the director of the Nieman Journalism Lab at Harvard University.
Telling the good news, in the media
It isn’t easy for a church or other Christian organization to get media coverage (unless something has gone wrong). But it is possible, with these 10 tips from two church communications consultants.
Personal essays by Christian social media users

Cathleen Falsani: Where two or more are gathered ...on Facebook
Much to her surprise, a journalist finds community -- real, authentic, deeply connected, deeply faithful community -- online.
Amey Victoria Adkins: Learning to speak
The heart of Christian community is connecting, confessing and witnessing together the work of God. It doesn’t matter whether you do it live or on Twitter, says a freelance writer and pastor.
John P. Jackman: Facebook and faith
When a middle-aged pastor joined Facebook, he didn’t know what to expect. But he quickly discovered that this new medium offers a powerful way for the church to be present in the world.
Communicating in a crisis
Anne Curley: Do the right thing
In the midst of church scandal or other crisis, leaders need to remember: People expect the truth, says communication expert Anne Curley.
Roger Parrott: BP’s other toxic spill
Whether you’re the fourth-largest company in the world or a ministry leader in a crisis, trust cannot be bought with public relations campaigns, writes a Mississippi college president reacting to the 2010 oil spill.
Marketing and communications
Gavan Fitzsimons: Are consumer brands replacing religion?
The marketing of brands has become so sophisticated that they can replace religious institutions by giving people a sense of community, identity and self-expression, says a consumer psychologist. This is a cautionary tale for Christian leaders seeking to grow the church.

Clayton Christensen: Focusing on a job to be done
The Harvard business professor and author of “How Will You Measure Your Life?” says that leaders should focus on their institution’s mission in order to foresee and compete against disruptive innovations.
Melissa Wiginton: Church marketing
Is public speech too corrupt to serve as a valuable medium for the institution of the church?
James Howell: Holy marketing
Church marketing runs the risk of slipping into spin. So how do we market? By striving for two objectives that matter -- clarity and holy excellence.
Internal communications

Maria Dixon Hall: Just because you can preach doesn’t mean you’re a communicator
For an organization in which the word is central, the church does a poor job of communicating, says an SMU professor and consultant. She has some advice on how church leaders can do it better.
Diane M. Millis: Silence and the art of conversation
Some of the most essential practices for genuine conversation include not only the words we speak but also the silence that surrounds them. A leadership coach and facilitator offers tips on the practice of pausing.
Gretchen E. Ziegenhals: The Parable of the Abilene Paradox
Few Christian leaders would say that they enjoy conflict, or even handle it well. But how about our inability to cope with agreement?
How to have difficult conversations
Jared Bleak: Dangerous conversations
An executive director of Duke Corporate Education offers a four-step strategy for leaders facing conversations that are difficult, tense or even dangerous.
Nathan Kirkpatrick: Making crucial conversations a priority
Despite knowing that “crucial conversations” are vital for an institution, leaders often fail to have them. So what might we as institutional leaders do to help ourselves?
Communicating about leadership transitions

Lance Wallace: What to say when you don't know what's next
The former director of communications and marketing for the Atlanta-based Cooperative Baptist Fellowship reflects on the 2012 transition in leadership in his organization.
Lance Wallace: Getting goodbye right
How do we celebrate a departing leader's tenure with integrity?

Explore the list of resources »
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Staff communication
In 2005, Alban surveyed senior pastors to identify one thing that their staff does well and one thing that they think their staff could improve. Communication made the top of both lists. What they told us then still offers wisdom for today.
In the February 14, 2005 issue of Alban Weekly we asked senior pastors to answer a survey identifying the one thing they feel their staff does well and the one thing they would change about their staff team. It probably comes as no great surprise that communication emerged as a top response in each category.
According to this survey, what would some senior pastors like to change in regard to their staff’s communication?

• To have honest communication about what is really going on.
• To develop a climate where we can give each other helpful feedback on our work instead of just hoping or wondering if others feel OK about it.
• To be able to speak honestly to one another in the spirit of encouragement, wanting each to have fruitful ministry within and beyond the congregation.
• To continue to look for ways of improving communication throughout the entire staff.
• To meet together on a regular basis, which is difficult because the other staff members are part time.

The senior pastors who indicated that their staff communicates well offered these descriptions:

• We communicate with each other on an as-needed basis. Whenever I am in the office, I am available to staff. This augments meetings and brings up topics that just don’t find their way into staff meetings.
• We have established good lines of communication. We can all express frustration in relatively productive ways and seek solutions that work for us all.
• There is an atmosphere of trust that enables open communication. This was established by all staff pursuing theological education, though not in a seminary setting.
• We have open, regular, usually informal communications so there are not surprises and each has a sense of what the others are about.
• The staff is learning how to ask one another for suggestions and help before the very last minute. We state what we need without apology.
• We maintain open communication via notes, e-mail, telephone, and personal contact.
• We listen well to one another.

Regardless of the category in which you would place your congregation, here are a few ideas for developing or maintaining good communication within a staff:

• Meet as a team on a regular basis. The regularity with which you meet will vary according to staff size and availability. If your team includes part-time and volunteer members, you may need to meet at nontraditional times, such as in the evening or on a Saturday. Design your meetings in such a way to elicit participation from everyone and to honor each person’s input.
• Maximize opportunities for communication outside of meetings. Informal conversations often result in deepening levels of communication. When used appropriately, the telephone, e-mails, and notes can keep staff members informed in helpful ways.
• Ask team members directly for feedback, and take the risk of offering constructive feedback to others. Exchange feedback in ways that build trust and enhance cooperation among team members.

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Featured Resources

How to Thrive in Associate Staff Ministry by Kevin E. Lawson
A dead-end job? A sure route to burn-out? Congregational staff ministry is neither according to Kevin Lawson. Rather, he presents ample evidence that associate staff ministry is a calling with its own identity, integrity, and exciting possibilities. Based on his groundbreaking study of 500-plus associate staff members in 16 denominations, Lawson demonstrates here the communication and self-care skills that people in these often highly specialized positions can utilize to grow beyond mere survival into dynamic ministry. Click here to read a chapter.

When Better Isn’t Enough: Evaluation Tools for the 21st Century by Jill M. Hudson
Many sociologists and a growing number of church scholars have noted that we live in a time of transition–from the modern era to the postmodern. Whenever a shift of this magnitude occurs, it leaves all of life, including the church, in flux. We instinctively strive to stabilize the situation by re- establishing what has worked in the past. Increasingly, however, congregations are finding that the same old things done harder or better don’t seem to make a difference. Author Jill Hudson argues, “We must identify new criteria for success, and perhaps even for faithfulness, and hold ourselves accountable to them.” Click here to read a chapter.

Designing Worship Together: Models and Strategies for Worship Planning by Norma de Waal Malefyt and Howard Vanderwell
Many sociologists and a growing number of church scholars have noted that we live in a time of transition–from the modern era to the postmodern. Whenever a shift of this magnitude occurs, it leaves all of life, including the church, in flux. We instinctively strive to stabilize the situation by re-establishing what has worked in the past. This book draws on more than two decades of collaborative worship planning by pastor Howard Vanderwell and musician Norma deWaal Malefyt of the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship, offering thoughtful, field-tested processes and tools for planning, implementing, and evaluating life-enriching weekly worship. Click here to read a chapter. Read more from the survey »
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NEW IN THE ALBAN LIBRARY
Communication in the Church: A Handbook for Healthier Relationships
by Thomas G. Kirkpatrick
Communication is integral to the mission of the church, but it can go awry in myriad ways, both obvious and subtle. Communication in the Church helps congregations create healthier ways for their members to relate to one another for greater personal and congregational success. The book offers practical guidelines to help readers become more effective in how they build relationships, lead meetings, experience trust, practice forgiveness, use power, and bridge cultures.
Communication in the Church distills the latest social science research for readers including clergy, lay leaders, continuing education planners, students, scholars, and others. Each chapter includes real-life scenarios, sensible guidelines, practical applications, and suggestions for further learning. This book aims to help readers communicate more effectively-from leading more engaging and productive meetings to preventing or addressing communication breakdowns.
Learn more and order the book »

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