[Annesley Writers Forum] "From Surviving to Thriving: Part 3" by Jennifer Armitage
It’s been over a year since, Asher, was diagnosed with cancer, and it has consumed my life. It is most of what I talk about, blog about, and do. Cancer is tough. Treatment is tougher. My faith and life were completely changed. Cancer was just a catalyst for that. The thing is, cancer is just the illustration but not the moral of the story.I have experienced some things, learned a lot, and now, a year later, I’m adjusting to this new perspective – the new me.
The funny thing is that learning new things comes with higher accountability.
Like someone who just discovered chocolate ice cream or Star Wars, I want to share my experience. It all comes back to how crazy, amazing, and moving God is. Even through cancer, He does amazing things. We all know that, but let’s face it – we don’t believe it until we have seen it.
What I have seen was not me. I have been a mess. I have made mistakes, had weekly meltdowns, been a crappy friend, mother, and wife at one point or another, and have spent half the year crying at the altar. But the whole time I’ve tried my hardest to focus on God, and God has used that. It’s God. Not me.
My son is one right now. He doesn’t have an agenda other than to weasel his way into his sister’s room (where the good toys live) or to mooch food off of anyone in the room. He’s not what we think of as an evangelist, but he has brought more people closer to God than many do in a lifetime.
Asher was about five months old, and we were in the infusion clinic for a blood transfusion. The infusion clinic is where they distribute medication, chemo, blood, and platelets through IV’s to kids who are not admitted to the hospital. Across the way was a teen getting chemo, with his mom and stepdad. The teen was much sicker than Asher. I said hi, asked where he got his shirt, and that was it. It was during what I thought was our worst day in the clinic. I came poorly prepared, Asher threw up all over himself and me, I was stressed out, and Asher was a cranky mess.
It was a bad, bad day.
I saw that family again in the hospital and clinic in passing, waved, but no real interaction.
Months later, I ran into the stepdad in the gift shop. He remembered my son’s name. We had a very powerful conversation. This is what he told me:
He told me about that day in the clinic. His family had gone through an especially tough time… until they saw Asher. Something about him. Seeing his smile (although there wasn’t much of one as far as I remember that day), seeing him power-through his blood transfusion… something. He said that Asher made each person in his family feel okay again. Was it Asher being cute?
He couldn’t describe what it was or put into words what it meant, but as a Christian I recognized it was God. It was hope. It’s not explainable, but the look on his face said it all.
He went on to talk about how cancer has changed his son for the better. A functionally autistic child now is more social than ever, something for which his family had long ago given up hope. We talked about the experience of facing the fact that your child may die and how it can actually help you appreciate the good in the world more. It was a conversation about God. He just didn’t say the words.
I did.
I walked away sobbing tears of joy. Just like that family, our family had been in a experienced low time due to cancer. I knew what it was like. I don’t know them, so their experience could be even worse than ours, and God used my son, just by being there, to help this family. That is beyond amazing.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:32-33 NIV
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