I bet your baby was born healthy. Must be nice.No matter the friend or acquaintance, when a baby is born and its birth is announced on social media, I find myself thinking the aforementioned words. Trust me, I don’t like these thoughts. Immediately, each time, I am convicted by the Holy Spirit about my attitude. But I’d be lying if I said jealousy didn’t creep up all too often.
I had a baby in February. Andrew was born a 30-week preemie after I’d been on bedrest for three weeks because my water broke at 27 weeks gestation. Soon after his birth, doctors attempted to insert a feeding tube through his mouth so he could receive nutrients, but the tube wouldn’t go in properly.
It was determined that Andrew was born with tracheoesophageal fistula and esophageal atresia. Basically, Andrew’s digestive system didn’t form correctly in utero, causing two problems: There was a gap in his esophagus, creating two unconnected ends. Also, one of those ends was improperly attached to his trachea, or windpipe. And within 24 hours of his birth, his stomach ruptured because too much oxygen had reached it, causing it to blow.
After 13 ½ weeks in the neo-natal intensive care unit at our local children’s hospital, Andrew came home. As with any preemie with special needs, Andrew’s journey has been long. EA/TEF and the ruptured stomach have led to other anatomical issues that have needed addressed whether through surgeries, tests, or procedures. His esophagus was surgically connected, and he is now able to eat orally via bottle. (He still has a G-tube in his stomach, which is how we fed him for months.) Thankfully, even with EA/TEF, a birth defect that occurs in approximately 4,000 live births, babies go on to live normal and full lives as adults.
In this season, I’ve asked God often: Why did you create Andrew with this birth defect? I have yet to receive an answer (and may never know), except that his story has impacted people in various ways. I know this because people have told me. Psalm 139:13-16, perhaps some of the most well-known verses in the Bible, reminds me that God purposefully and lovingly created my son this way.
“Science” may tell me that Andrew was created anatomically incorrect with an imperfect esophagus. But God chose our son to be born like this. How can I argue with his ways? Sure, I don’t understand him, but Andrew was still “fearfully and wonderfully made” (v. 14) in my womb by a God who loves him more than I ever, ever could–just as any “healthy,” newborn is created. Andrew’s frame was not hidden from God when he created him in secret (paraphrased v. 15).
So, how can I be jealous of others’ healthy babies? Well, God and I are still working on that one! May my heart continue to move to an attitude of thanksgiving for Andrew’s story–even as other little miracles are born.
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