BUDDY THE DOG WOULD GIVE ME MONEY. If he had any. I know because he gives me balls, socks, and throw rugs. Valuable stuff to a dog.
I’M NEGOTIATING A CONTRACT for a new book. And by “I’m” I mean my agent.
I don’t know if you’ve heard that most writers don’t make much money. But if you haven’t, they don’t.
I have sold well over 1 million books. Most of my books sell for between $10 and $20 each. You might think I would’ve made at least a million bucks from that.
Think the heck again.
My agent keeps telling me he doesn’t know how publishers make a profit selling the lavishly, full-color books I usually write. Production costs are intense.
They better be.
Otherwise, I’d be fairly ticked at sometimes getting anywhere from 20 to 60 cents royalty for each book that sells for $10 to $20.
I’d like to think that the people getting the rest of the money are spreading it around nicely among deserving souls such as editors, designers, marketers, warehouse workers, Christian bookstore associates, and exceedingly polite receptionists with candy on the counter. Good candy, like Snickers.
In negotiating, my agent asks for stuff he knows I want. And for stuff he knows I should want, but don’t know squat about.
From time to time we ask for a little financial help with this or that.
We almost never get it.
So I wrote my agent an email about it one day.
Just a short email:
“Why is it that nobody wants to give me a lot of money?
I certainly want them to.”
After I sent that email – to which he replied “Too funny!” – I had a thought.
Maybe I should put a donation button on my website in the event that someday, somehow someone will want to give me a lot of money.
As hopeful and as optimistic as I am, I am neither that hopeful nor that optimistic.
And if I were, there’s Despondex, a medication for the annoyingly cheerful.
Brainstorm. I just had a better thought.
I could put a button up there that reads “Treats for Buddy the Dog.”
Wow.
Bow-wow. That could work.
Marketers love buttons like that. They say every webpage should have a “call to action.”
Who wouldn’t want to give Buddy a treat?
 
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