Annesley Writers Forum "Lessons Learned" by Susan Major for Sunday, 4 January 2014

Annesley Writers Forum "Lessons Learned" by Susan Major for Sunday, 4 January 2014 
As the New Year arrives, so do the anticipated “Top 10” lists promoting the best books, movies, songs and other pop culture phenomena of the previous year.  New Year also ushers in another cultural favorite – resolutions on how one will “be better” or “improve” in the upcoming year. The funny thing about resolutions is that they are most often designed with our effort and self-discipline as the key ingredient to success. Most popular resolutions include, “I will lose weight”, “I will save money”, “I will get a better job”, etc.  As I joined the “halfway there” group last summer, I am reminded that many of the significant improvements in my life have come not from my own effort, but by allowing myself to learn and be changed for the better by others. By far, the most significant years of change came from my time living among the Bosnian people. So in the spirit of Top 10s, here we go!
Top 10 Things My Bosnian Friends Taught Me
1) Children are not a nuisance, but one of our most precious commodities. Children are treasured in the country where I lived and one would not dream of shunning them with a “seen but not heard” mentality. Spending their formative years in this context, gave my children the confidence knowing they are valued, to dialogue with people of all ages, moving in and out of a variety of social settings with ease.
2) Shoes are for outside, slippers for inside. Every house should have slippers for guests, creating a warm and hospitable environment, while greatly reducing the frequency of cleaning!
3) Endless options are unnecessary.  As a westerner I am constantly presented with choices surrounding food, clothing, transportation, housing, schooling, entertainment, churches, employment, etc. Variety is not the enemy and I highly appreciate one’s ability to choose and utilize one’s unique self-expression. However, I think it is fair to say that endless options can create a longing for more and at the very least become a distraction.
4) Don’t overvalue personal space. As a noted non-hugging introvert, I have to admit I value personal space – both in physical proximity and in demands or requests for my time. To an extent this is ok. I will never learn to enjoy being pushed in a crowded bus or standing in line at a checkout. However, my tendency to clam up when being hugged or kissed (on the cheek as is cultural in Bosnia) does not communicate openness or love. While I am still working on letting others into my personal space, my heart has been convicted that this is the best way forward.
5) Organic is the way to go. There is no comparison to fresh meat, fruit and veggies, and especially eggs! Check out your local Farmer’s Market- you won’t be disappointed!
6) Hosting guests adds richness to life and ought to be a regular occurrence rather than an event reserved for special occasions.  At times I’ve bought into the subtle lie that having guests is a burden and requires significant advance “warning” so that I can ensure the house is spotless and the food is perfectly selected and prepared.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to honor guests with the best, but when unnecessary pressure prevents entertaining to occur because of the burden of preparation, we have missed the point.
7) Great freedom comes from not being tied to a calendar. Filling every moment of our 168 hours each week leaves no room for spontaneity. Over-planning (controlling) can open the door for much disappointment when those expectations are not met.  I realize abandoning calendars probably isn’t the answer, however, leaving a day or two each week open for the unexpected can yield pleasant surprises.
8) People matter. Community is more than a buzzword but the way society is meant to function.  There are costs… with community I must allow myself to be interrupted and have my plans changed if another is in need. However, the end result is a much richer life.
9) Stroll more. One of our favorite things to do in Bosnia was to take a family walk in the evenings. It was a time to stroll, to observe and notice, and to greet passersby.  It was simple – no agenda in mind (other than obtaining a delicious ice cream cone for .65 cents at any one of the numerous vendors). I struggle with over-valuing productivity and under-valuing being.  What helps you slow down in life?
10) Being in a place of need opens the door for relationship. We all long for connection, however we live in a culture that grooms us for extreme independence.  If we need something we will buy it or hire someone to perform the needed service. What if instead of buying every tool we needed, we borrowed from our neighbors and in return freely shared what we had? Rather than paying a hired hand, what if we helped our neighbor paint his house and he helped build our deck? This would actually require talking with our neighbors, but by vulnerably sharing our needs, we invite connection.  How can we restructure our lives by relinquishing our independence to invite more opportunity for interdependence?
What are your top tens?  In what ways have you been greatly impacted by another?  What would it look like to resolve ourselves to look outward this year and consider the areas where others may have significant influence on our “resolutions”?
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