Dear Reader,
If you are following the situation in Israel and Gaza, please check our homepage for frequent updates on the latest breaking news, in addition to analysis and in-depth coverage from our correspondents there. Today: Kerry's proposed cease-fire, and Gary Rosenblatt's reflection on a journalist's moral compass during this wrenching time.
http://www.thejewishweek.com/
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Columnist Rabbi Gerald Skolnik has a powerful piece about Sean Carmeli, the American who died in Gaza -- and whose funeral was attended by more than 20,000 people.
A RABBI'S WORLD
A Lone Soldier No More
Rabbi Gerald C. Skolnik
Jewish Week Online Columnist
Like every war, the current conflict between Israel and Hamas has a broad narrative that varies according to who is telling the story. But it is also true that this war, like every war, is made up of countless stories of individual soldiers and civilians whose lives have been directly impacted.
Of the many stories that have already come out of Operation Protective Edge, the one that has touched me the most deeply, for a variety of reasons, is that of Sean Carmeli, the Israeli soldier killed in battle whose funeral made news around the world.
Sean Carmeli was an "oleh," or immigrant, to Israel from America who left his family behind in America. When he enlisted in the Israeli Army from Texas, he became what is known in Israel as a "hayyal boded," a "lone soldier." A lone soldier is one who, when given leave for a weekend or a day, has no family to go home to. Israel's army, and the country as a whole, has a special place in its collective heart for "hayyalim bodedim," the weary fighters who, instead of returning to the warm embrace of those who love them, often go back to an empty flat and have to fend for themselves, both physically and spiritually. There are special programs here in America to "adopt" them, and Israelis will often go out of their way to invite them for a Shabbat meal, or even help them with their laundry.
When he volunteered for the Israeli Army, Sean Carmeli specifically requested to be placed in a combat unit. As in every army, there are plenty of desk jobs, as well as others that will keep you far from the field of battle. But that was not what Sean wanted, and he was granted his wish. He became a member of the Golani Brigade, generally considered to be Israel's toughest infantry unit.
In the early days of Operation Protective Edge in Gaza, the Golani Brigade suffered the loss of thirteen of its fighters in one day. Sean was among the dead, having been killed in an ambush by Hamas gunmen.
When his family members in America learned of his death, they were concerned that, because he was a "lone soldier," there would be few people to attend his funeral. The members of his unit were all in Gaza, and there was no family living locally. But Sean had been an avid fan of the Maccabee Haifa soccer club, and that's where the story takes on almost surreal dimensions.
A member of the Maccabee Haifa fan club learned of Sean's death, and took Sean's cause to the world of social media. In a message that he posted, he requested that fans of the soccer club attend the funeral. The message went viral, and it was circulated to countless Facebook pages and Twitter accounts. The result was that not only did the entire Maccabee Haifa soccer club and many of its fans attend the funeral, but almost twenty thousand other people did as well. Twenty thousand people! The young man who been been a lone soldier during his life was surrounded by people at his death.
A true story such as this one shouldn't "need any Rashi;" that is to say, the mere factual details of what transpired speak to the best of community and comfort at a time of unspeakable loss. But these are, sadly, extraordinary times for Israel, not in a good way, and an extraordinary act of not-so-random kindness deserves just a bit of further consideration.
Since the beginning of Operation Defensive Edge, not a day has passed without Israel being accused of war crimes, most horribly the indiscriminate killing of civilians. The clear implication of these accusations was that individual lives meant nothing to Israel's military. It was, and is still, accused of bombing schools, shelling mosques and civilian shelters. As I write, the United Nations is preparing a formal investigation into these allegations.
Those who know Israel well, especially those among us who have friends and relatives that fight in the IDF, know, both intuitively and factually, that Israel's army takes great care to minimize civilian casualties, even if that means increasing the risks that its own soldiers have to face. That the nations of the world, with painfully few exceptions, take Hamas allegations at face value and assume them to be true is both infuriating and profoundly depressing.
But note well ... a country that doesn't care about individual lives does not, on barely a day's notice, produce close to twenty-thousand people to attend the funeral of an unknown lone soldier. That funeral was representative of the true Israel, at its best, respecting the values that inform both its military and its society as a whole. Don't be embarrassed to defend Israel. Be proud of her, and of her soldiers. They both deserve, and need, the support.
Rabbi Gerald C. Skolnik is the spiritual leader of the Forest Hills Jewish Center in Queens.
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And if you want a bit of distraction from the difficult events of the today, read our piece about a new reality TV show about marriage in which three of the four matchmakers are Jewish. Tradition, tradition!
NATIONAL
Reality TV Takes Cue From Shidduch Scene
Modern-day matchmakers introduce arranged marriage to NYC.
Hannah Dreyfus
Staff Writer
Reality TV seems to be learning a thing or two from haredi dating.
In the new FYI reality show “Married at First Sight,” six singles agree to be set up by a team of four professional matchmakers — and legally marry their selected mate upon first meeting.
The professionals — a sociologist, a psychologist, a sexologist and a spiritual adviser — claim to use “scientific methods” to find three compatible couples from a pool of 50 singles. And while none of the participants is Jewish, three out of the four matchmakers are.
“Can it just be a coincidence that we’re all Jewish?” said Greg Epstein, the show’s “spiritual adviser.” “Probably not,” he laughed.
Epstein, 37, who grew up attending a Reform synagogue in Flushing, Queens, also goes by ‘rabbi’ — he received his ordination as a Humanist rabbi in 2005 and today serves as the Humanist chaplain at Harvard University. He doesn’t usually use his rabbi title and felt ‘spiritual adviser’ was a safer bet for the show.
Matchmaking is well entrenched in Jewish culture. Even today, most haredi communities use matchmakers to mediate between young couples. “Shidduch resumes,” documents that include information about the individual’s family, education, and values, along with references and a photograph, are traded between matchmakers and then given to eligible singles. Once both sides have agreed upon the match, the couple goes out. Depending on the community, the courtship can last between one date and several months.
“Married at First Sight,” which premiered July 8 on A&E’s FYI Network, takes these minimalistic dating practices to a new level — by eliminating dating completely. Though each couple is given the option of getting a legal divorce at the show’s close, it is clear from the episodes thus far that each couple is committed to the long-term.
“Putting marriage first actually increases the likelihood that these couples will succeed,” said sociologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz, one of the show’s matchmakers.
“With marriage comes an immediate commitment to try and make things work, no matter what,” said Schwartz. Dating, on the other hand, leaves much more room to back out when confronted with any hurdle, she said. “It’s all about the mindset going into a relationship. If you start at the altar, you go in ready to compromise and determined to work through differences.”
“Married at First Sight,” which is slated to run on Tuesday night for 10 weeks, is not the only reality dating show that skips the usual stages of courtship. VH1’s new series, “Dating Naked,” introduces two complete strangers to one another—minus their clothing. Both shows take the fast track to intimacy, leaving the treacherous dating scene in the dust.
And modern-day matchmaking is not exclusive to the Jewish community. In Singapore, the government provides matchmaking services to all citizens, making the role of matchmaker into an institutionalized position. In India, classified ads are filled with parents looking to marry off their children. But, thanks to “Fiddler on the Roof,” Jewish matchmaking has a particularly strong resonance in the American cultural landscape.
“We come from a minority community where there has historically been a strong focus on who you’re dating, and who you’re not dating,” said Epstein. “For centuries, Jews didn’t have the liberty to date outside the fold. Matchmakers flourished within small, insular communities.”
It’s not just the Jewish people’s history of persecution that has given countless yentas jobs over the years. According to the show’s sexologist, Dr. Logan Levkoff, matchmaking is rooted in the Jewish view of sexuality.
“Sexuality was never prohibited or looked down upon in Judaism,” said Levkoff, who comes from a “proud” Jewish background. “That’s why matchmaking was always encouraged. Marriage and sex are praised, and made priorities.”
Raised on Long Island with a strong sense of Jewish identity, Levkoff had always envisioned a unique career path for herself. “As a Jewish woman, I was always taught the importance of giving back and challenging norms,” she said.
Participating in “Marriage at First Sight” was one way to challenge the norm. She, too, was pleasantly surprised to find that two out of her three co-professionals were Jewish.
“The fact that so many of the experts were Jewish speaks to a larger picture of how Jews embrace taking risks when it comes to love,” said Levkoff. However she stressed that the show is not modeled on “Fiddler on the Roof.”
“This is a modern-day social experiment,” she said.
So — could matchmaking experience a renaissance in the modern, mainstream singles scene?
Dr. Pepper Schwartz thinks it could happen.
“People are already trying to use experts to help them find somebody — it’s not such a far jump to what we’re doing on the show,” said Schwartz, who also comes from a strong Jewish background. While the average single might not want the “drama” of meeting directly at the altar, using an intermediary is a very palatable option for many.
“The singles scene in New York is downright intimidating,” said Epstein. “There are millions upon millions of options. In today’s world, you can literally date whoever you want — man or woman, from any racial, ethnic, or socioeconomic background. For many singles, the options can be paralyzing.”
When cultural and religious barriers don’t exist, there needs to be some method of discerning Mr. Right from a first-date nightmare. “Singles need some sort of method of narrowing down the options,” said Schwartz. “For some, a matchmaker could be the answer.”
Still, Levkoff warned against singles depending too heavily on the “shadchan” (matchmaker). Successfully navigating the singles scene requires knowledge of self more than anything else, she said.
“In the best-case scenario, this show will introduce the idea of matchmaking into the public discourse. It’s an opportunity to challenge preconceived notions about the practice. But individuals still need to take responsibility for their own love lives,” said Levkoff. She was careful to refer to herself as a “social scientist,” not a matchmaker.
But viewers don’t always make the distinction.
Epstein, for example, has been flooded with matchmaking requests since appearing on the show.
“I couldn’t believe how many people were emailing me to ask if I could be their matchmaker,” he said. “Gay couples, older couples — I received thousands of emails.”
But, he stressed, the point of the show was not to encourage a “diffusion of responsibility” when it comes to relationships, but rather, “promote radical thoughtfulness.”
“It’s tempting to put your life in the hands of an ‘expert’ and say, OK — fix this. Find me love. But that was not the point of the show!” he said.
“If viewers take away one thing from this show, I hope it is the necessity of intense introspection before you look for a significant other,” he said.
While Epstein plays a matchmaker by day, he stresses that neither he nor his three colleagues have all the answers. “I prefer it be clear that I’m just giving advice — I’m not making foolproof matches,” he said.
“I might be a rabbi,” he said, “but I’m not privy to divine information.”
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Warmly,
Helen Chernikoff
Web Director
The Arts
An image from Braff's Kickstarter campaign, which helped finance the film. Via Kickstarter.com
'Wish': Hits, And Misses
Zach Braff plays dreamer, family man in new film chock-full of Jewish references.
Alan Zeitlin - Jewish Week Online columnist
In “Wish I Was Here,” Zach Braff’s character, Aidan Bloom, has a question that many Jewish parents share. How am I going to pay the children’s yeshiva tuition?
Braff, who played a doctor on the NBC show “Scrubs,” here plays a struggling actor who can’t land a gig. He is supported by his wife Sarah (Kate Hudson) and accustomed to having his father, Gabe, (Mandy Patinkin) help pay the kids' tuition.
But when Gabe’s health takes a turn for the worse, he no longer has the resources to help Aidan's brood. His father's sickness inspires in Aidan a desire to be a better husband to his wife, who feels underappreciated, and a better father to his children, who need their school fees paid.
Braff directs the movie and wrote it with his brother Adam. He is likeable, and has retained the boyish charm he displayed in “Garden State,” an indie hit he wrote, directed and starred in. This movie generated some early buzz when Braff, feeling some financial stress of his own, turned to the crowdfunding site Kickstarter to pay for the movie instead of finding investors through the usual Holllywood network.
That level of creative control probably came in handy making “Wish I Was Here," which has more Jewish references than most American movies of the last decade combined. Some are done well, while others feel forced. The daughter saying the Shema before jumping in the pool when she can’t swim is a bit too schmaltzy. A choir of four boys singing “Oseh Shalom” is a nice touch, but a caricature of a rabbi cursing in Yiddish after accidentally slamming into the wall is over the top. This film is surely the first to include a Hebrew and a Yiddish word for the process of excretion. The Al Qaeda-Al Roker joke is a total miss, though another about a rabbi’s breath is a total hit.
This heartwarming film has touches of brilliance, but unfortunately a few too many clichés, and runs about 30 minutes too long. And it stretches credulity to think that a father would home school his children without knowing what he is doing. Yet his character is a dreamer. In fact, he literally has a dream in which he is a superhero. And come to think of it, perhaps Jewish men (and women) need to be superheroes to afford yeshiva tuition for two children while simultaneously helping a sick parent.
In the role of the stubborn father and grandfather, Patinkin is the heart and soul of the film. He delivers a tearjerker of a line at the end that resonates. In providing comic relief, Josh Gad succeeds as Aidan’s brother Noah, a guy who masks his vulnerability under a facade of apathy toward his sick father. And Joey King is extremely impressive as daughter Grace, a smart girl who understands people better than she should at her age, even if she doesn’t understand herself.
The film poses some tough questions.
How do you honor your father when your father is harsh with you and chastises you? What’s the best way to parent when you don’t think you know what you’re doing? Is it OK to sacrifice your dream to pay the bills? More specifically, has Sarah settled for Aidan when she could have found a more suitable husband? And, of course, the big one, the one that many parents ask when they get that tuition bill.
When Aidan drops off his son at his Los Angeles school early in the film and tells him to “go be Jewish,” his son responds: “Why? It’s so boring.”
editor@jewishweek.org
Beth Steinberg
Blogs
THE NEW NORMAL
The Newest New Normal Of Rockets And Violence by Beth Steinberg
Editor's Note: Yesterday we featured another voice from Israel, "Sleepless in Jerusalem." We appreciate Miriam and Beth bringing us their perspectives during this very hard time.
Editor's Note: Yesterday we featured another voice from Israel, "Sleepless in Jerusalem." We appreciate Miriam and Beth bringing us their perspectives during this very hard time.
This summer, noises make me jumpy. “What if I miss a siren,” I wonder to myself, thinking of a friend who lives in a neighborhood where she depends on friends to SMS her when the siren blares. The loudspeakers just don’t work right.
What if I’m not near Akiva, our youngest who has special needs, when the siren blows? Happily, he’s coped, even one Saturday afternoon when the siren blew during B’nai Akiva, the local youth movement not known for its organization and planning.
I was less nervous when a siren blared when he was at one of his afterschool programs, where there’s plenty of trained staff and a shelter below. Thankfully, social media stepped in. Within moments, I had heard from his counselor via whatsapp, complete with a picture of Akiva.
Sleeping is complicated, even though I know that my life in Jerusalem has basically remained the same. I don’t live in Sderot; or Ashkelon or even worse, Gaza, but when a siren sounds or a truck backfires, I pause and listen before going back to what I’m doing.
The media barrage, the sights and sounds of rioting locally and the aggressive rhetoric of hatred increase my distress, my sorrow and my fear.
What’s Akiva absorbing, I wonder?
While he doesn’t understand what’s going on, he’s sensitive to our moods and to the attention paid to him, which has been less focused than usual. This morning, when he arrived at my bedside at 5:40 a.m., I wondered if his need to get into bed with us and go through his morning chatter was connected in some way to this chaotic summer of sadness and sirens.
There are few other conversations around the table, at work, on the phone or via email. Starting with the brutal kidnap and murder of Naftali, Eyal, and Gil-Ad, and the horrific murder of Mohammed Abu Khdeir, followed by the onslaught of rockets, it’s been almost two months of nonstop violence and death.
It’s hard to get any work done during what is normally my busy season. As the co-founder of Shutaf Inclusion Programs, I’ve struggled, along with the rest of the team, to focus and prepare for our biggest program of the year, Shutaf Day Camp.
This year, it’s our largest camp ever, close to 100 children and teens, August 3-21, in Jerusalem. Three wonderful weeks of inclusion, community and fun.
We’ve had to solve new challenges caused by the current, unstable security situation.
We’ve adjusted the program so that our teens will spend more time on-site or only travel on Shutaf buses. We’ve secured a new location for our program, one with spacious, safe rooms on every floor. We’re maxed out on camper spaces and currently have a waiting list, so we’ve opened up another younger children’s group. Even though it’s challenging financially, we’d like to offer stressed-out parents the respite they need and every applicant, a safe, secure, fun and inclusive environment.
They need it. We all do.
We wish we could do more, especially for those children and teens with disabilities and their families in the South. Like the Weissman’s, who moved to Israel from Washington State in 2013. Parents to three lovely girls, their middle child uses a wheelchair. We ‘met’ online. I recommended against moving to Jerusalem, non known for its accessibility, and recommended Ra’anana, home to the world-renowned Beit Issie Shapira.
They chose Ashkelon for it’s lovely beaches and great weather. According to dad David, “after a bit of worrying, we decided to all sleep in our safe room.” Tremendous understatement given that if they’re not in their safe room, they have only 30 seconds to get to safety. I’m spoiled with a whole 90 seconds.
And we attempt to adjust, grateful for the success of the Iron Dome, grateful that we live in a democratic society, grateful we have the right to agree or disagree.
We live this new normal, tacked on to other normal of disability, the one we hope we created, the one that we hope we conquered when our kids were born, or when they were diagnosed.
We pray that we’re strong enough and resilient enough, to always keep them safe.
P.S. For more about how to prepare a child with special needs for the siren’s wail, read this article from November, 2012.
Beth Steinberg, is the co-founder and Executive director of Shutaf Inclusion Programs in Jerusalem. Shutaf is a place of complete acceptance for all kids; abilities and disabilities; religious and secular, rich and poor, from all cultural backgrounds. Follow Beth on Twitter, and read the Shutaf blog.
POLITICAL INSIDER
How Hamas Measures Success by Douglas Bloomfield
Hamas reminds me of that old commercial for Timex watches when the announce would intone, "It takes a licking and keeps on ticking."
Hamas has been taking a licking from the IDF over the past few weeks and it keeps on shooting. Its leadership declare "a great victory" when American and other foreign airlines halted service to Ben Gurion Airport this week after a Hamas missile fell about a mile away. Since then the terrorist group stepped up its firing in that direction, openly declaring a target in the hope – and not entirely unsuccessful – attempt to halt tourist and business travel to Israel.
Here are some other ways Hamas measures success in its latest round of its ongoing war with Israel.
1. Hamas is a terrorist group, and it has been very effective in that role. Its rockets have terrorized many Israelis, its rockets fired at random toward population centers send Israelis to shelters and strike fear in many.
2. The greatest achievement so far may be a missile that fell about a mile from Ben Gurion and caused American and most European airlines to halt all air travel to Israel, at least briefly. Hamas has hailed it as "a great victory."
3. It has killed more than 30 soldiers wounded many more.
4. It has turned its failure to kill more than 3 civilians – a Jew, a Bedouin and a Thai – into bragging rights by claiming (falsely) it aims only at heavily armed troops, not civilians (not that it hasn't been trying very hard).
5. The high Palestinian civilian death toll has been exploited for sympathy for the Gazans and to generate extensive criticism of Israel as the media largely overlooks Hamas' practice of drawing those attacks by using human shields and putting missile storage, launch platforms and military sits in civilian neighborhoods.
6. The large Palestinian body count and the sight of wounded children in hospitals have been skillfully parlayed into photo ops to draw world sympathy.
7. Claims – still unverified -- that it kidnapped an Israeli soldier brought Gazans to the street to celebrate, bolstering Hamas' public support.
8. If it succeeds in kidnapping an Israeli solder it will be an image of victory of Hamas and be demoralizing for the Israeli public, setting the stage for extended negotiations over another disproportionate prisoner swap that will enhance Hamas' stature on the street at the expense of the moderate Palestinian Authority.
9. Brazil recalled its ambassador to protest what it called Israel's "excessive use of force."
10. The reliably pro-Palestinian U.N. Human Rights Commission announced plans to investigate Israel for possible war crimes.
11. It got Mahmoud Abbas to go from supporting Egypt's call for unconditional ceasefire to endorsing Hamas' list of unrealistic conditions.
12. It has kept a tight control on any information out about the estimated 100-plus missiles that never made it to Israel but fell inside Gaza, and the casualty toll and damage done.
13. Anti-Israel and anti-Semitic demonstrations in Europe and America.
14. The survival of its leadership, safely ensconced in fortified bunkers or hiding out in Qatar or other countries, while civilians play human shields for them.
15. Hamas benefits when there are rifts between Israel and its allies, especially Washington, when they press for a ceasefire and Israel is perceived as stalling.
16. Inflicting damage on the Israeli economy, taking reservists from their job, closing businesses, halting air travel, driving away tourists.
17. Hamas opposes peace with Israel – its stated goal remains eradication of the Jewish state – and by firing hundreds of missiles at Israeli towns and cities it is reinforcing those who oppose a peaceful solution through Palestinian statehood.
18. In a war with high Palestinian casualties, Hamas popularity on the West Bank is growing. In the process Hamas is poisoning the Israel-PA relationship, accusing Fatah of siding with the Zionist enemy and inciting West Bank residents.
19. Putting up a credible fight against the Israeli army has been a break from the past and an achievement.
20. Success is being able to continue firing dozens if not hundreds of missiles every day
21. At the end of the day, Hamas' greatest success will be merely surviving. If leaders can walk out of their underground hideouts into the sunshine and breathe fresh air it will be a major victory for them.
Hamas doesn't expect to win this war and destroy Israel. Or even get its demands – ending the siege, unfettered access by air land and sea, etc – met. It would celebrate a great victory if even one of its missiles hit an Israeli city killing large numbers of civilians.
"This euphoria will pass quickly," Ghaith al-Omari, executive director of the American Task Force on Palestine, told an audience at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy this week, because Hamas is the long-term loser in this conflict.
Once the dust settles and Hamas and the Gazan people look around at the damage, it is likely they will start thinking, as Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah told Lebanese TV after the 2006 Lebanon War, "…if I had known…that the operation would lead to such a war, would I do it? I say no, absolutely no."
Food & Wine
Make popcorn even more addictive with a drizzle of melted chocolate. Amy Spiro
Summer Movie Snackin'
Grab a handful of salted chocolate-drizzled popcorn at your next fun flick.
Amy Spiro - Jewish Week Online Columnist
Grab a handful of salted chocolate-drizzled popcorn at your next fun flick.
Make popcorn even more addictive with a drizzle of melted chocolate. Amy Spiro
Is there any better accompaniment to a great movie than a giant bowl of popcorn? And while the classic is great, if you update your movietime snack with a drizzle of melted chocolate and a sprinkling of sea salt, it becomes all the more addictive.
There are many ways you can go about this recipe, and I gave you the most involved. If you want to skip the making your own popcorn portion of this recipe, you can buy pre-popped popcorn, or you can use microwave popcorn, and skip to the step where you spread it out on a baking sheet and drizzle with chocolate. If you DO want to try this version at home, just be careful to always cover the pot when the kernels are inside and keep your face away - if a kernel pops you can get splashed with hot oil, something you definitely don't want.
I absolutely love salty and sweet snacks, so this is one of my favorite recipes, but I've also tried a variation with peanut butter - melted 1/4 cup together with the chocolate - that is divine. Happy snacking and channel surfing!
Amy Spiro is a journalist and writer based in Jerusalem. She is a graduate of the Jerusalem Culinary Institute's baking and pastry track, a regular writer for The Jerusalem Post and blogs at bakingandmistaking.com. She also holds a BA in Journalism and Politics from NYU.
Hide Servings & Times
Yield:
About 10 cups
Active Time:
15 min
Total Time:
15 min
Hide Ingredients
2-4 tablespoons canola oil
1/2 cup uncooked popcorn kernels
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 teaspoon shortening (optional)
sea salt
Hide Steps
In a large, nonstick pot (that has a lid! Glass is best), heat 2 tablespoons canola oil. Add in two or three kernels of popcorn. When the kernels pop, add in 1/4 cup of kernels and cover the pot with a lid. Slide the pot back and forth over the heat, shaking the kernels around in side, continuing to do so as they pop. Keep sliding until the popping sound slows and the majority of kernels appear to be popped. Pour the popcorn into a large bowl.
Add the remaining canola oil to the pot and repeat with the remaining 1/4 cup of kernels. Pour the popped popcorn out on to two large baking sheets and spread into a single layer.
In a plastic bag, melt together the chocolate and shortening (it will help it set up). Snip the tip of the bag off and slowly drizzle the chocolate over the popcorn. Immediately after - while the chocolate is still melted, sprinkle the sea salt on top.
Stick the pans in the fridge or freezer for 5-10 minutes to set the chocolate. Break into pieces and store in a airtight container in a cool place.
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