Annesley Writers Forum "I am a Quitter" by Rolanda L. Ward, Ph.D., MSW, MDiv for Sunday, 8 February 2015

Annesley Writers Forum "I am a Quitter" by Rolanda L. Ward, Ph.D., MSW, MDiv for Sunday, 8 February 2015 by Rolanda L. Ward, Ph.D., MSW, MDiv

When did I become a quitter? It is certainly hard to admit, but without a doubt, it is true. Like any good person in recovery, the first step is just to admit it: I am a quitter.
Life has had a sweet ebb and flow, as of late. Life has become a list of checks. Family is good–check. Friends are good–check. Went to church–check. I am sure there are many other elements of life that are simple checks on the list. Yes, life is happening. The sun rises and the sun sets. I get up, and I do what needs to get done. I go to sleep, and I rise and do it all over again the next day. I am tentative in my daily steps, and I am careful not to step outside of the box I’ve drawn because I don’t want to rock the boat. I seek ordinary and I definitely want simple. But when I ask myself about this living, I wonder about all these checks and what makes them life? And I have come to realize that even though I am living–breathing, doing, moving– my eyes are closed to the world; I have quit living. I’ve made life about me, not about me in the world. Why? Doing so may just rock the boat. Now can you see why I am a quitter?
Remember the piñata game at all the birthday parties? Oh, how all of us wanted to be the one who would send every child to their knees to bask in the delight of grabbing a handful of sugary sweets! Everyone remembers the prize part. But who remembers what it was like being blindfolded? Before the blindfold went on, do you remember taking one last look at the piñata hoping to remember how high it was strung up? You wanted to be the one who would break the piñata. Before the game, you were poised and ready. But then…the game got a little more challenging; you were blindfolded and spun about. How in the world could you ever hope to break the piñata while blindfolded and dizzy! Poise went out the window. You stumbled and moved cautiously. Even when mom or dad tried to tell you where to swing, you were hesitant. You didn’t give it all you had because you thought you might fall; you thought you might get hurt. In reality, you actually quit on winning even before you took a swing. But the game didn’t end with no one breaking the piñata. Somehow mom or dad knew the kids had become discouraged, and they quickly lowered the piñata to a reachable height, so one lucky kid could win the prize of breaking it. Thank goodness for a loving parent!
What makes me think I was a quitter? When did I realize I had become hesitant about life and chose to walk cautiously through life? New experiences were unwelcomed or excused. Goals were delayed or unmet. Challenges were ignored or denied. I walked around with my eyes closed to life. I had put life underneath a bush; it was protected from exposure, but left to die.
I had become Hagar. When Hagar was sent away and was on her own with Ishmael in the desert, she left her son underneath a bush and walked away from her season of challenges and twists (Gen 21:1-21). She ignored the boy’s cries. She left his needs unmet. She left Ishmael to die. Somehow Hagar’s eyes had become closed to what God wanted for her life. She forgot what she declared to God when she ran away from Sarai’s abuse and encountered God for the very first time at a spring in the desert, “I have now seen the One who sees me” Gen 16:13. Maybe Hagar had become accustomed to the good life under Abraham’s protections and wealth. Maybe the ebb and flow of life had lulled Hagar into accepting that life just happens. But when God met Hagar the second time, right there in the desert, right within the midst of her mighty challenge, her eyes were opened; God provided.
Dear God, when I would rather let life happen, open my eyes. When I would rather ignore life’s challenges, open my eyes. When I would rather seek the protection of a bush, open my eyes. When I would rather seek the ordinary and simple, open my eyes. When I would rather walk cautiously, open my eyes. When I would rather quit, open my eyes. Thank you God for opening our eyes and for reminding us that you are the prize, that you see all our needs, that we don’t have to be tentative, that you want us living life. Remind us, O God, that it isn’t okay to be a quitter because you will never, ever quit on us. Amen.
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