Thursday, June 14, 2018

Happy Father's Day for Thursday, 14 June 2018 from The Autism Speaks in New York, New York, United States

Happy Father's Day for Thursday, 14 June 2018 from The Autism Speaks in New York, New York, United States

E-Speaks eNewsletter
This weekend, Autism Speaks salutes all of you dads and father figures for your unwavering dedication to raising kids on the spectrum. Your celebration of your child's strengths and your help to overcome challenges is at the heart of creating a better future for all people with autism.
Thank you, Dads, for all you do
Thank you to all of the autism dads who work diligently and selflessly to make the world a more understanding and accepting place for children and adults with autism. These sample stories from autism dads shared with the community through our Autism Mosaic are sure to inspire. Read More


What my son's routines helped me learn about being an autism dad
"While I have been with him on his journey every step of the way, he has helped shape my journey since he was born. As a father, I have to have faith in what we've accomplished together over the years." Read More
What my son's routines helped me understand about being an autism dadWhat my son's routines helped me understand about being an autism dad

What my son's routines helped me understand about being an autism dad
This guest blog post is by Nick Wright, Labor Relations Representative in San Diego. He is a dedicated father of two, a daughter and his son Brandon who was diagnosed ASD. He is an active community member and volunteer for youth sports programs.
The last two years I have had a strict adherence to routines and structure. Since Brandon was diagnosed ASD, I had a singular focus as a father to ensure that there were as few surprises or interruptions to his routine as possible because that’s how it’s done. Routine and schedules are the father, no pun intended, of a pure autism household. It keeps us sane and provides a sense of relief when you have a “normal” household.
Before I planned each day down to the second, meltdowns were a way of life. Navigating the waters of two kids, less than 2 years apart, both in diapers and needing all my love and attention was more like a lesson in daily drowning. As a newly single father, I needed help. In came the calendar. I could plan each day from “rise-and-shine” to “goodnight I love you”, and everyone knew what was expected of them. It provided stability for my kids when I didn’t have any as a father.
Two years later though I face a new dilemma that has been plaguing my household for the last few months. That routine has gotten rather stale.
My journey as an autism dad so far has been it’s own routine, very little sleep and a lot of focus on moving to each new challenge. The drive of course has been Brandon’s therapy and progress through speech delays, behavioral hurdles, prosody challenges and cognitive development. Intertwined in his routines are moments I steal for my daughter, who in her own right has established an incredible household for Brandon. She has an understanding well beyond her 7 years when it comes to Brandon and his needs.
Our routine has resulted in a lot of accolades. Brandon is in General Ed Kindergarten. He’s won academic awards! He doesn’t need weekly speech therapy anymore. He’s graduated to group ABA. He loves reading and math and playing Monopoly (he has nine different versions). He has friends! The greatest accolade, and the hardest one for me as a father to cope with, is that he’s graduating past his routines. More specifically the routines I created for him and nursed to the rituals they’ve become today.
I find it surprising how difficult it is for me to let go of those routines with him, and I’ve come to understand that I’ve used those routines to define me as a father. When Brandon was diagnosed there was no instruction booklet that came with it. There was no one in my family with any experience with a child with autism, let alone any experience with our particular family dynamic. I established myself and our roles as a family by the comfortability of our routines.
I still define my role as a father by the structures I’ve created to make my life easier. With that structure now needing to be rebuilt as he continues to progress and reach heights I only dreamed of a few years ago, I long for the days when his diagnosis defined him. Selfishly it made life much simpler and far less scary. He doesn’t need me as much. His hand doesn’t need to be held religiously, he can be trusted (only so far, he’s still a precocious 6 year old boy) and he knows what his needs are and can vocalize them.
He is growing up before my eyes, yet I am struggling with growing with him. If I grow with him it means I have to release some control over his daily life. It means he could fail, or get hurt, or be ridiculed or misunderstood. Everything an autism parent knows will come with time no matter the support and love we provide every second of the day. As he eyes 1st grade over the horizon, I continue to ask myself how will I grow with him.
While I have been with him on his journey every step of the way, he has helped shape my journey since he was born. As a father, I have to have faith in what we’ve accomplished together over the years. I have to have faith that the routines and the schedules that are slowly slipping away served their purpose. A new chapter in his life is a new safari in mine. Uncharted territory where my understanding of being a father is challenged, but our family remains strong.
If you or your family need guidance in navigating the 100 days following an autism diagnosis, download our 100 day kit for newly diagnosed families of young children
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The Autism Speaks blog features opinions from people throughout the autism community. Each blog represents the point of view of the author and does not necessarily reflect Autism Speaks' beliefs or point of view.
Five things I want to share with my fellow autism dads
In this heartfelt post, Mathew Oakes lists five things his experience has taught him about being a dad to a child with autism. Number one on his list: "Be a Dadvocate." Read More

Blog 5 things I want to share with my fellow autism dads 
5 things I want to share with my fellow autism dads
This guest blog post is by Mathew Oakes. Matt blogs with his wife Courtney about parenting on the autism spectrum at 808 [The Adventures].
I spent a lot of time this week thinking about being a dad. I’ve only been one for a few years, but we’ve packed a lot into them: a miscarriage, two rough pregnancies, an autism diagnosis, and then a second kiddo on her own early intervention journey. But if my participation in filmmaker Corbyn Tyson's 2014 documentary series, The Fatherhood Project, reminded of anything, it’s these five things that I want to share with my fellow autism dads.
5. Own your story
There’s that point early in the journey as an autism parent where you have to decide how open you’re going to be about your family’s struggles and joys. It’s that whole internal dialogue that makes the choice of whether to get an autism awareness bumper sticker a full-on crisis. I think autism mom’s have an easier time with this which I can only imagine has something to do with Instagram. But the point is this, dad: this is your story now too. Your life is different and, frankly, you just have to own it. If you need to sit with that for a while, I get it. At some point, soon, you’re going to have to start telling your story. And if my years as an educator have taught me anything it’s that the point at which you come to grips with and tell your own story is the point at which the magic starts to happen.
4. It’s not about you
I get that as men we are really just about a generation or so into owning our own feelings and stuff. I get that we’re still figuring out that we’re allowed to go to therapy and have identity crises. So there’s a reason we’re slow on figuring ourselves out. But as an autism dad, you’ve got to figure it out quick. I’m not saying you need to suppress it; not at all. I’m saying you need to be better and faster at processing your own hangups so you can get out of your kid’s way. Let me break it down for you this way: Your kid is not an opportunity for you to sort out your emotional junk on the fly. Our autistic kids need us emotionally healthy so we can teach them about their own emotional lives. Instead of mapping our own failures and ambitions, anxieties and dreams onto them, we need to find ways to tap into their talents and passions to guide them into a full and rich life of their own choosing. Move out of the way.
3. Give more away than you think you have
I’m convinced that I used to think that love, energy, compassion, grace, patience and whatever else we needed more of in this world were scarce commodities, things we needed to ration out to make sure we had enough of to make it to the end. It’s as if each time I was patient it depleted my stock, or something. It’s not true. I mean it feels like it is, absolutely. Each time one of Liam’s therapists encourages us to take on a new initiative I’m convinced that it will be time it ends my life. But I had this realization while jogging on the bike path this morning: love is an endless resource when you endlessly give it away. It makes not one lick of sense that every time I empty out what I thought was my last little bit of hope to make something happen for Liam, even more comes swooping in. It’s a miracle.
2. Be a partner
I’m sure there are many of you who are solo parents. It’s difficult for me to imagine how you handle the difficulties of parenting an autistic kiddo on your own, so the first round is on me should we meet one day. To the rest of you autism dads, please be the best partner you can be. If you don’t live with your kiddo’s other parent, I think this still applies. Partnering means, well, being a partner. One half of one. A while back, Courtney and I started using #teamoakes as an easy reference to the fact that we’re co-captains of the most important team playing the most important game. All this is easier when you can borrowing someone else’s strength when yours is depleted. The depths aren’t quite as low but the heights are much higher when you’re together. It’s another miracle.
1. Be a Dadvocate
Autism advocacy needs you. Dads need to join moms on the front lines in classrooms, communities, and the offices of our elected officials. There is so much work to be done and we need the talents and connections of autism dads to do it. It’s time to turn the privileges of your position as men into opportunities for our autistic family members. And this doesn’t end with your family and your kiddo. Liam needs you making noise over in your neck of the woods and your kiddo needs me making noise in mine. Every voice counts. Every day.
Explore more:
The Autism Speaks blog features opinions from people throughout the autism community. Each blog represents the point of view of the author and does not necessarily reflect Autism Speaks' beliefs or point of view.
Support for dads of children recently diagnosed with autism

Autism Speaks has developed tools for dads, grandpas, brothers and all other loved ones of children and adults with autism to help empower and support them during challenging times. Read More
Family ServicesFamily Support Tool Kits
Family Support Tool Kits
New! Autism Speaks relaunches series of Family Support Tool Kits, specifically designed to provide encouragement and support to parents, grandparents, siblings and friends of those recently diagnosed with autism.
Family members and friends of children and adults with autism are presented with many joys and many challenges throughout their lives. Learning that a family member or friend is affected by autism is a powerful moment. People respond with a wide array of emotions: shock, grief, fear, denial, anger, acceptance, and many more. Many begin to feel their lives will never be the same. Parents can feel overwhelmed, siblings can feel isolated, grandparents can feel helpless, and friends can feel apprehensive.
Autism Speaks has created 4 support tool kits, each designed specifically for the following groups:
The purpose of each kit is to help teach family members and friends learn more about autism and its effects on families, and provide resources and support to enable them to lead happy and successful lives with their loved ones with autism.
A Parent's Guide to Autism
This tool kit is specifically designed for parents of children diagnosed with autism. This Tool Kit will help parents:
  • Learn about autism and how it may impact your family.
  • Find strategies and resources for raising a child with autism.
  • Find support so you don't feel alone or isolated.
  • Reduce the negative impact of the diagnosis on your family.
  • Promote a positive future for your child and family.
Click here to read A Parent's Guide to Autism.
A Sibling's Guide to Autism
This tool kit is for anyone who has a brother or sister diagnosed with autism. The guide will help siblings understand a little bit more about autism and learn what they can do to help their brother or sister, as well as take care of themselves. They will also read some great stories from autism siblings about their experiences with their brother or sister.
Click here to read A Sibling's Guide to Autism.
A Grandparent's Guide to Autism
This tool kit is designed specifically for grandparents of people who have been diagnosed with autism. This tool kit will help grandparents to:
  • Learn about autism and its impact on your family.
  • Discover ways to support your children who may be struggling with their child's autism diagnosis.
  • Find out ways to develop the best relationship you can with your grandchildren.
  • Feel support and encouraged so you do not feel lonely or overwhelmed. 
Click here to read A Grandparent's Guide to Autism.
Clic aquí para Autismo: Una Guía Para Abuelos.
A Friend's Guide to Autism
This tool kit is specifically designed for friends of families affected by autism. This tool kit will serve as a guide to help you learn:
  • More about autism.
  • How your friend may be feeling if this is a new diagnosis.
  • How to support your friend.
  • How you and your family can interact with and support the person with autism.
Click here to read A Friend's Guide to Autism.
Trending on social

Welcome to the first edition of "Trending on social." In each future issue of E-Speaks, we'll highlight one of the many heartwarming images shared with us from the autism community on our social channels. Today's photo comes from Facebook. You can find this photo and many others by following us on Facebook. See More
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