The (New York) Jewish Week . . . Connecting the World to Jewish
News, Culture, Features, and Opinions – Tuesday, 31 December 2013
News and Features:
As the year winds down, we wanted to share with you the top
stories read by our online readers in 2013.
Here are the Top 7 Articles of 2013. If you'd like the full list of the top 20,
please send an email to events@jewishweek.org.
#1. I am Not Orthodox
Last week, it was the appalling news that the American Studies
Association had voted to boycott Israeli universities. The academic world did
not stay silent. To date, 25 American universities have refused to join the ASA
boycott. In many cases, they have also issued strongly worded protests against
the Association's actions. Here are the names of the presidents or chancellors
of each university, along with their contact information.
I am not Orthodox.
There. I said it.
Yes, I look like I am. I have a full beard, I am the rabbi of a
traditional synagogue and don't eat anything not kosher. But I am finally
comfortable enough with myself and my Judaism to come out and say what has been
lying underneath the surface for so many years.
I just can't classify myself anymore as an Orthodox Jew.
Truth be told, as I look at the membership list of my
congregation here in suburban Long Island I feel that none of my community is
really Orthodox either.
Please allow me to describe to you my journey on how I reached
this conclusion.
Every Friday night, my wife and I host a Shabbat dinner in our
home. Sometimes it is families from our congregational Hebrew school, sometimes
a family that just moved to the community and sometimes a family going through
a difficult time in their life that can benefit some homemade chicken soup.
After lighting the Shabbat candles some onion challah and a few
l'chaims, the conversation becomes intimate, moving and sometimes even
provocative.
A few weeks back we had three different families join us; each
with their own story on how they joined our congregation and each with their
own level of involvement.
I was feeling a bit daring (maybe too much Bartenura) and I
posed the following multiple choice question: Do you consider yourself
Conservative, Reform, Orthodox, None of the above or Other.
The first guest thought for a few moments and said "I'm not
sure. My parents were Conservative, we were married by an Orthodox rabbi, but
our kids went to a Reform temple for nursery. I didn't fast on this past Yom
Kippur but my daughter's upcoming Bat mitzvah is going to be done by an
Orthodox rabbi.”
The next guy said he is Reform since currently he is not a
member at any temple but he takes his family to a Reform temple in Westchester
every year for the high holidays. Since his parents are on the board of
directors they get a good price on tickets so it is worth the schlep. Also,
while he hadn't studied much lately, he feels that his beliefs are more in tune
with the Reform movements ideas of Tikun Olam.
The third scratched his head and said, “My friends ask me this
same question when they hear I am a member at an Orthodox congregation. My
response is “Other” since I don't fall into any of those categories.”
That is when it suddenly hit me.
I am not Orthodox since there is no such thing as an Orthodox
Jew. As there is no such thing as a Reform Jew or Conservative Jew.
These terms are artificial lines dividing Jews into classes and
sub-classes ignoring the most important thing about us all. We share one and
the same Torah given by the One and same God.
We might buy into these labels for social, financial, communal,
political or even for emotional reasons. But that is all they are: labels. They
don’t define us as a people, they won’t predict our future and most
significantly they don’t describe the fiber that has kept us alive and strong
for three and half millennia. These labels are more about tearing us apart than
furthering Judaism.
Yes, some people are more observant and involved than others. As
we well know, when two of us are in a room there is a minimum of three
opinions.
But our Jewish experience runs so much deeper than our theories
and opinions. Have you ever heard of someone calling herself "Protestant
with no religion?" Still, plenty of Jews today are identifying as
"Jewish with no religion." Elevent percent of that group says they
keep kosher at home! We are all internally and eternally connected with our
Father in heaven, whether or not we realize it.
I think what recent surveys cry out is that people are
Post-Denominational. They are tired of being boxed into these silly categories.
The overwhelming majority of people don’t even know what they mean. Instead,
they are yearning for a real connection that has real life application.
It is the job of the Jewish leadership to embrace our
responsibility, not as God's policeman but as My Brothers’ Keeper. Our
definitions should be based on the highest common denominator. And that is the
Jewish soul, the piece of God that was gifted to each one of us and that each
of us a have a sacred right and responsibility to cultivate that relationship
to the highest level.
When we are able to focus on the fact that while we have
differences but a family truly remains connected eternally, it will reconfirm
what we already knew: Am Yisroel Chai!
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#2. Bloomberg Limits Seder Portions from our Purim spoof issue
NEW YORK—Following his recent ban on soda containers over 16
ounces, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that he now intends to place
similar limits on wine and matzo consumption at Passover seders.
“Everyone knows that Jews struggle with obesity,” the mayor
declared at a news conference yesterday at Gracie Mansion, “so why aggravate
the problem by drinking four whole cups of wine and eating three large sheets
of matzo at a single meal?”
Noting that the Passover foods are a Jewish tradition dating
back thousands of years, the mayor said, “That may be so, but look at the
health problems they create. You eat all that unleavened bread, and your system
is bound to get backed up. It’s no wonder Moses was pleading, ‘Let my people
go.’”
Bloomberg added, “No one needs that much wine at a meal, either.
And, shamefully, the biggest offender is a Jewish icon—the prophet Elijah. On
seder night, he goes from house to house drinking. Who does he think he is,
some frat boy?”
In a surprising display of erudition in Jewish law, the mayor
said he was familiar with, and opposed to, the adherence to the strictest
requirements encouraged by some Torah sages.
“If you intend to adhere to the shiurim of the Chazzon Ish, or
even Rabbi Moses Feinstein, take your Seder out of the City,” said a defiant
Bloomberg.
He outlined his restrictions as follows:
For the drinking of the four cups – “3.3. oz. will be the maximum permitted under
New York City law. You may think 5.3 ounces is a saintly amount to drink for
each of your 4 cups, but it is overly burdensome on the NYPD when they have to
haul your machmir tuchus off to detox.
For the Eating of Matzoh – “No more than the size of 1/3 of an
egg, measured by weight and not volume. You will be subject to citation or
arrest if you feel the need to stuff half of a ‘Talmudic’ egg in your mouth and
choking on your high halachic standards.”
The Mayor then left the press conference angrily, turning only
to add, “Next year in Jerusalem. IF you can fit on the plane!”
Several Jewish organizations have already filed lawsuits in
Brooklyn courts, claiming that the mayor’s new proposal infringes upon their
religious rights. Rabbi Chaim Dovid Zwieback, legal counsel for Agooda Israel
and author of the book When Abbada Things Happen to Agooda People, said,
“Instead of downsizing seder foods, the mayor should be increasing them, like
donating his nuts to make more charoses.”
The preceding was part of 'The Jewish Weak' 2013 Purim spoof.
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#3. In The Name Of God
West Orange-based man accused of using his rabbinic persona to prey on
women who put their faith in him. By
Gary Rosenblatt
Two weeks ago, Rebecca Pastor, a 46-year-old woman from Essex
County, N.J., found out that the man she alleges raped her in Baltimore on
Christmas Day, 1990, was not in jail, as she had long believed, but was living
in nearby West Orange. And that he was passing himself off as a righteous rabbi
amid concern he may be seeking vulnerable young women.
Since then, with the help of several Orthodox rabbis and a
handful of congregants in West Orange, she has found information that strongly
suggests David (Yeshaya Dovid) Kaye has a long history of complaints against
him. The information portrays him as psychologically and religiously
manipulating naïve and trusting women, seeking to use their deep faith in him
to engage in sexual relations.
While the other women who claim to have been preyed on by Kaye
have requested anonymity, Pastor, who said therapy has given her strength,
plans to travel to Baltimore soon to meet with sex crime officials in hopes of
seeing Kaye prosecuted.
Maryland has no statute of limitations for rape.
“I’m a survivor, not a victim,” she said, “and I believe in the
motto that you can choose courage or comfort, but you can’t have both.”
Meanwhile, a 28-year-old New York woman who says Kaye convinced
her in the past year that he had a nevua (religious prophecy) that she would
suffer a tragic death if she did not “cleanse” her “neshama” [soul] by
submitting to him, which she did for several months, is weighing legal action.
She said she contacted members of Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes’
office earlier this year but they were unresponsive.
Several rabbis actively seeking to alert people to Kaye’s
background and behavior told The Jewish Week they were particularly repulsed by
allegations that his modus operandi was to convince women that his actions were
based on serving God when it appeared he was focused on serving himself.
The attention on Kaye came about in recent days when Rabbi Yosef
Blau, who has long been an advocate for victims of abuse and knew of
allegations against Kaye for years, notified Rabbis Eliezer Zwickler and Mark
Spivak, who lead two Orthodox congregations in West Orange, that Kaye was
believed to have recently moved back to West Orange, his hometown. After appointing
a small committee of congregational leaders to look into the allegations, the
rabbis sent out an advisory to their congregants on Sept. 18. It warned of “the
presence of a potential perpetrator in order that” members “may protect
themselves and their families.” It said that due to “serious allegations,” they
had advised Kaye, whom they named, not to attend their shuls “for the
foreseeable future.”
They learned that Kaye, who is 50, married with five children
between the ages of 6 and 18, and claiming to be a rabbi, had a series of
stints in various capacities over the years. He was, among other posts, an Air
Force chaplain overseas, nursing home chaplain in New Hyde Park, Jewish day
school teacher in Long Island, and most recently pulpit rabbi in upstate
Liberty. Those appear to have been short-lived and ended abruptly amid
allegations of inappropriate behavior with young women. Kaye is currently
unemployed and believed to be living at his parents’ home.
While emphasizing that no legal proceedings had been initiated
and praising Kaye’s parents as “respected and beloved members of this community
for decades,” the statement noted that allegations concerning Kaye related to
his “allegedly exploiting his title as rabbi to enable him to take or to
attempt to take liberties with various females in past years.” It cites reports
from Israel, Germany, South Africa and the U.S. The statement added that “a
number of women involved have submitted to very reputable and prominent rabbis
written statements recording the occurrences. If found to be true, the facts
recounted have potential serious implications.”
Two weeks after the Sept. 18 advisory, the Newark Star-Ledger
ran a full-page ad signed by Kaye’s attorneys responding to the rabbis’
advisory. The ad said the advisory’s “lack of specificity reveals the serious
legal and ethical issues flowing from this type of ‘message’ … and has placed
Rabbi Kaye in a false light and has caused irreparable damage.” The ad said
that while Kaye “takes full responsibility for his failings,” he “vehemently
denies” sexual predation and “questions why core Halachic procedures and due
process values were not respected.”
The Jewish Week contacted Kaye’s attorneys, John Kemenczy and
Mitchell Liebowitz of West Caldwell, N.J., in an attempt to interview their
client. The attorneys said they were authorized to speak on his behalf and
declined an interview with him at this time. They expressed appreciation for
being contacted, and asserted that there have been no civil suits or criminal
filings against Kaye despite various complaints over the years.
Asked if Kaye was, indeed, an ordained rabbi, as he claims, and
if so, where he received his ordination, the attorneys said he was, but were
checking with him on details. They did not respond further as of press time.
Kaye’s attorneys did issue this brief statement: “We are
sensitive to the competing interests involved here — respect for the women’s
privacy and Rabbi Kaye’s ability to have a full and fair airing of the matter.
“We suggest that responsible members of the Jewish community
engage in a dialogue with us about ways to reconcile these interests in an
amicable way.”
Rabbi Mark Dratch, executive director of the Rabbinical Council
of America, the largest membership organization of Orthodox rabbis in the U.S.,
said his group “fully stands behind” the West Orange rabbis’ actions. And after
meeting with Pastor, along with Rabbis Zwickler and Spivak, and hearing her
story last week, as did Rabbi Blau, he said he and the other rabbis found her
to be “very credible.” Rabbi Dratch said he had sent copies of the West Orange
rabbis’ advisory to the full membership of the RCA.
Responding to the statement from Kaye’s attorneys, Rabbi Dratch
said that “criminal matters should be resolved by the criminal justice system.
And as to women in our communities, Kaye has a longstanding track record of
abusing his rabbinic person in ways that raise great concern.”
‘A Deer Caught In The Headlights’
In an interview with The Jewish Week, Rebecca Pastor recalled
her nightmarish encounter with Kaye 23 years ago when she was strictly
Orthodox, and living in Baltimore. The mother of a 2-year-old, she was seeking
rabbinic help in obtaining a get [Jewish divorce] from her husband, a Ner
Israel kollel [rabbinical school] student. She said Kaye, contacted by a friend
of Pastor’s, immediately drove down to Baltimore from New York, and in their
one meeting persuaded her that he had a vision that her son would soon die.
“He knew my son’s name and said he had a nevua [or, prophetic
vision] of my son in a casket, that he would die before he was 3,” Pastor said.
“I felt like a deer caught in the headlights.”
She said Kaye sat close to her, a shy young kollel wife, on the
sofa in her apartment — no one else was home — began muttering Hebrew
incantations, and soon put his hand over her mouth and forced himself on her.
After the sexual act, she said, he began to sob and apologize. Later, when she
insisted he leave, he threatened that she would never receive a get or remarry
or have children if she ever told anyone.
Traumatized and fearful of Kaye’s warning, she did not go to the
authorities. Instead, she says now with bitterness, she “went the rabbinic
route,” which led nowhere. She turned to her family for comfort and to the
friend, then a Yeshiva University rabbinical student, Moshe Rothchild, who had
known and recommended Kaye to help her get a Jewish divorce.
Rothchild, later a pulpit rabbi in Florida and Australia and now
a tour guide living in Israel, says he and Pastor were friends and that when
she had asked for help to extricate her from her marriage, he thought of David
Kaye. He had known him since childhood in West Orange, the son of a popular
local pediatrician and his wife, “both pillars” of the Orthodox community.
As a young man, David Kaye was considered a paragon of Torah
learning, Rothchild said. Dressed in the traditional black haredi garb,
bearded, long frock and a homburg hat, he had an austere air of authority, “a
holier-than-thou” attitude.
Rothchild had recommended Kaye to Pastor because he had heard he
was involved in helping agunot.
When Pastor contacted Rothchild to tell him what had happened
that fateful Christmas day, Rothchild set out to get advice from his rebbe.
After speaking with a local district attorney, the rebbe advised Pastor,
through Rothchild, to try and get an admission of guilt from Kaye on tape.
Which she did, both Pastor and Rothchild told The Jewish Week
separately. She bought a tape recorder, and some weeks later, though shaking
with fear, placed a call to Kaye.
“The most dramatic moment,” said Rothchild, “was when she said,
‘You raped me and I’m pregnant,’ and he [Kaye] immediately responded, ‘You have
to get an abortion, I’ll pay for it.’”
She was not pregnant but she had come up with the plan to tell
Kaye she was as a means of proving, from his response, that her narrative of
that Christmas day was correct.
Both Pastor and Rothchild said that Kaye wired her $300 or $400.
The two made copies of the tapes, one of which Rothchild has
kept at home and is now looking for. Pastor said that several years ago, while
packing to move into a new house, she decided to make a new start and threw
away her copy of the tape, in part because she believed that Kaye was in jail
for sex crimes.
In fact, though, in an odd coincidence, it was another Rabbi
David Kaye who was convicted and jailed in Maryland in 2006 for trying to
solicit a minor over the Internet.
It was only a couple of weeks ago, when a friend told her of the
warning sent out to the two West Orange congregations to beware of Kaye, that
Pastor went on the website adkanenough.com, which posts alerts about Orthodox
figures believed to be sex offenders. When she saw her alleged assailant’s
photo she was stunned, and since then has been determined to bring him to
justice.
Debbie Teller, the name used by the woman who launched ad kan
(Hebrew for “enough is enough”), told The Jewish Week that the update on Kaye
received more than 80 responses, several of which were from anonymous people
claiming to be, or know of, victims of Kaye.
The two West Orange rabbis and their committee emphasize that
the complaints about Kaye span more than two decades and are consistent in his
presenting himself as coming to the aid of women in distress and then making
advances on them, based on their perception of him as a rabbinic authority to
be trusted. An affidavit from the late Chief Rabbi of South Africa, Cyril
Harris, attests to several young women in 1989 saying Kaye was emotionally
manipulative in trying to seduce them. A document from an Air Force colonel
speaks of Kaye, in 1996-’97 in West Germany, attempting intimacy with her when
she sought advice about converting to Judaism. A young American woman studying
at a seminary in Jerusalem in 2010 described Kaye’s attempts to be alone with
her, including telling her they knew each other in a previous life.
Bizarre Episode
The most recent, and perhaps most bizarre, episode concerns a
28-year-old ba’alat teshuva (newly Orthodox woman), Chana (not her real name)
from New York who came to know Kaye last year when he was in Liberty, and went
out of his way to be helpful to her and her fiancée.
Last November, she told The Jewish Week, she received an e-mail
from someone claiming to be an 80-year-old mekubal (a rabbi blessed with the
powers of prophecy) in Jerusalem who said he had met her near the Kotel several
years before. His message was that “I was in grave danger and needed to
immediately contact a rabbi with whom I was close.” She said the content “was
very frightening,” and she began receiving daily, persistent messages from him
with increasing urgency about seeking help. Chana told Kaye about it. He said
he could help her avert “this ‘grave danger’,” she recalled, and she came to
believe him when he soon told her he had had dreams about her even before
they’d met and that their destinies were intertwined — that she had saved his
life in a past life and that he was now her protector in this life.
Kaye told her she was destined to die in childbirth and that the
only way to avert this tragedy was to do teshuva (repent) by submitting to him
physically, which she did over a period of weeks. She said she was “horrified”
by the experience, but fearful that if she stopped she would be subject to the
sad fate Kaye had predicted.
During that time, Chana says Kaye “admitted that he had
basically raped” a woman seeking a get, or Jewish divorce.
(Chana, who learned of Kaye’s re-emergence last week through the
Adkanenough website, was put in touch with Rebecca Pastor; they shared with
each other by phone their frightening encounters with Kaye. Pastor says that
Chana told her during the call that Kaye admitted to her that he had “raped an
agunah in Baltimore,” and is certain the reference was to her.)
In the end, Chana discovered that the e-mails from the mekubal
and Kaye were coming from the same IP address. When she confronted him, she
says he tearfully admitted he had written virtually all of them, still
insisting that the first one had come from the mekubal himself who then had a
stroke.
Chana’s research found that there was a rabbi with the name Kaye
used for him but that he was very old, infirm in a nursing home in Jerusalem,
never had an e-mail account and, she insisted, “has no idea of the atrocities
Kaye has committed — and may currently still be committing” — in the man’s
name.
Now married to her understanding fiancée, Chana said she was
naïve, trusting and psychologically manipulated by Kaye, whom she describes as
“brilliant, and an absolute monster with no shame.”
She expresses gratitude that loved ones believed her, and that
she went through therapy to get over the recent trauma. But she acknowledged
that the experience “could have destroyed me” and that her faith in rabbinic
authority has been damaged. One of the most “painful aspects” for her was
discovering that Kaye’s colleagues and former employers “were well aware of his
history and failed to warn subsequent employers and the public.
“If the leaders of the Jewish world do not take a firm and
proactive stance on the issue of sexual predators, how many more lives will be
destroyed? What are they waiting for?”
Rebecca Pastor says much of her faith was “shattered” not only
from Kaye’s alleged sexual attack but from the unwillingness or inability of
prominent rabbis at the time to express sympathy, help her in any positive way
or act to protect future victims.
A part of her, she said, still “deeply misses the community,”
and she is gratified by the response of the rabbis she has been working with in
recent days. But she wonders how and why David Kaye could, under the cloak of
religion, “deceive and hurt people” for three decades.
Gary@jewishweek.org
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#4. 'The Heritage Of All Israel'
Founder of Tel Aviv's secular yeshiva, also a Knesset member,
leads Israel's parliament in study and prayer. By Ruth Calderon, Knesset member
Editor’s Note: Ruth Calderon, founder of a secular yeshiva in
Tel Aviv, spent several years living in New York recently, teaching at the JCC
in Manhattan and other venues. This was her inaugural speech in the Knesset
this week as a member of Yair Lapid’s Yesh Atid party.
Mr. Chairman, honorable Knesset, the book I am holding changed
my life, and to a large extent it is the reason that I have reached this day
with the opportunity to speak to the Knesset of Israel as a new member. The
copy in my hands belonged to David Giladi – a writer, journalist, editor, man
of culture, and the grandfather of the head of our faction. He was mentioned
here yesterday, too. I had the great honor of receiving it from his daughter,
writer Shulamit Lapid.
I did not inherit a set of Talmud from my grandfather. I was
born and raised in a quaint neighborhood in Tel Aviv. My father, Moshe
Calderon, was born in Bulgaria and immigrated to this land as a young man.
After the difficult war years, he began studying agriculture at the Hebrew University
in Jerusalem, and was immediately conscripted to defend Gush Etzion during the
War of Independence.
Eventually he specialized in entomology, the study of insects,
and became a global expert in grain storage. My German-born mother, who had the
combined misfortune (at that time) of being Jewish, left-handed, and
red-haired, made aliyah as a teenager, and met my father courtesy of the
British siege of Jerusalem. By the time the siege ended and they went to meet
the families as a match that had already been made, the Bulgarian neighbors
could not say anything but, “She’s really nice, Moshiko, but are there no
Jewish girls left? You have to marry an Ashkenazi girl?”
I am recounting all of this in order to say that I grew up in a
very Jewish, very Zionist, secular-traditional-religious home that combined
Ashkenaz and Sepharad, [Revisionist] Betar and [Socialist] Hashomer Hatzair, in
the Israeli mainstream of the 60s and 70s. I was educated like everyone else my
age – public education in the spirit of “from Tanach to Palmach”. I was not
acquainted with the Mishna, the Talmud, Kabbala or Hasidism. By the time I was
a teenager, I already sensed that something was missing. Something about the
new, liberated Israeli identity of [Moshe Shamir’s] Elik who was “born of the
sea”, of Naomi Shemer’s poems, was good and beautiful, but lacking. I missed
depth; I lacked words for my vocabulary; a past, epics, heroes, places, drama, stories
– were missing. The new Hebrew, created by educators from the country’s
founding generation, realized their dream and became a courageous, practical,
and suntanned soldier. But for me, this contained – I contained – a void. I did
not know how to fill that void, but when I first encountered the Talmud and
became completely enamored with it, its language, its humor, its profound
thinking, its modes of discussion, and the practicality, humanity, and maturity
that emerge from its lines, I sensed that I had found the love of my life, what
I had been lacking.
Since then I have studied academically in batei midrash [Jewish
study halls] and in the university, where I earned a doctorate in Talmudic
Literature at the Hebrew University, and I have studied lishma, for the sake of
the study itself. For many years I have studied daf yomi, the daily page of
Talmud, and with a chavruta [study partner]; it has shaped who I am.
Motivated by my own needs, and together with others, I founded
Alma – Home for Hebrew Culture in Tel Aviv, and Elul, Israel’s first joint beit
midrash for men, women, religious, and secular. Since then, over the course of
several decades, there a Jewish renaissance movement has begun to flourish, in
which tens and hundreds of thousands of Israelis study within frameworks that
do not dictate to them the proper way to be a Jew or the manner in which their
Torah is to become a living Torah.
I am convinced that studying the great works of Hebrew and
Jewish culture are crucial to construct a new Hebrew culture for Israel. It is
impossible to stride toward the future without knowing where we came from and
who we are, without knowing, intimately and in every particular, the sublime as
well as the outrageous and the ridiculous. The Torah is not the property of one
movement or another. It is a gift that every one of us received, and we have
all been granted the opportunity to meditate upon it a we create the realities
of our lives. Nobody took the Talmud and rabbinic literature from us. We gave
it away, with our own hands, when it seemed that another task was more
important and urgent: building a state, raising an army, developing agriculture
and industry, etc. The time has come to reappropriate what is ours, to delight
in the cultural riches that wait for us, for our eyes, our imaginations, our
creativity.
Instead of telling you about this book’s beauty, I wish to tell
you a story from Talmud, one small story, the story of Rabbi Rechumei, which
appears in Ketubot 62b, and through it to say some words about this moment and
about the tasks I will set for myself in the Knesset.
I have brought the text. Anyone who wants, we can pass it out –
but only to those who want it.
Page 62b – I will read it once in Aramaic, for the music, and
then in Hebrew, so we can read it. [An English translation of the original text
is followed by Dr. Calderon’s interpretation.]
Rabbi Rechumei was constantly before Rava in Mechoza. He would
habitually come home every Yom Kippur eve. One day the topic drew him in. His
wife anticipated him: “Here he comes. Here he comes.” He didn’t come. She
became upset. She shed a tear from her eye. He was sitting on a roof. The roof
collapsed under him, and he died.
Rabbi Rechumei – a rabbi, a rav, a whole lot of man [“rav” can
mean “rabbi” or “much”]. “Rechumei” in Aramaic means “love”. Rechumei is
derived from the word “rechem”, womb, someone who knows how to include, how to
completely accept, just as a woman’s womb contains the baby. This choice of
word for “love” is quite beautiful. We know that the Greek word for “womb”
gives us the word “hysteria”. The Aramaic choice to take the womb and turn it
into love is a feminist gesture by the Sages.
He was constantly, he could be found before Rava, the head of
the yeshiva at Mechoza…
Chairman Yitzhak Vaknin (Shas):
Rechem also [has a numerologically significant value of] 248.
Calderon:
Thank you. Yasher koach.
Calderon:
Thank you for participating. I am happy…
Vaknin:
I think the idea she is saying is wonderful…
Calderon:
I am happy about this participation in words of Torah.
He could be found, that is, he studied, he was accepted for
study, in the great yeshiva, one of the four yeshivot, the Ivy League, of
Babylonia: Nehardea, Mechoza, Pumbedita, and Sura. He studied at Mechoza; he
studied in the presence of Mechoza’s rosh yeshiva, who was so well known that
he was called Rava. In Aramaic, an aleph at the end of a word denoted the
definite article. Rava was “the Rav”, “the Rabbi”.
He would habitually – I suggest that the Sages do not like
people who do thinks out of habit; in general, when someone in the Talmud does
something regularly, someone dies within a few lines. He would habitually come
home – in Aramaic, “home” also means “wife”. It is both wife and home. That is,
a man who has no wife is homeless. A woman who has no man is not, but a man
without a wife – no home. He would habitually come home every Yom Kippur eve.
Notice that the Gemara says “he would habitually come home every Yom Kippur
eve.” There is a certain rabbinic irony here. What does “every” mean? Once a
year. Not very often.
You are probably thinking: what kind of date is that to choose
to come home? Yom Kippur eve? It is not exactly a day of intimacy. It is
generally a day of prayer, and not even at home.
One day, one time, one year, the topic drew him in. The study in
the beit midrash so fascinated him that he forgot. He did not leave in time. He
could not abandon his studies and he did not go home. His wife anticipated him:
“Here he comes. Here he comes.” One can hear the aspirant tone of her words in
Aramaic: “Hhhashta atei; hhhere he comes.” This expectation, that every text
message, every phone call, every footfall, every knock at the door, you are
certain is him. Here he comes. Here he comes.
He didn’t come.
At some point, she realizes that he is not coming this year.
Perhaps the shofar blast announcing the onset of Yom Kippur was sounded, after
which nobody would arrive, due to the sanctity of the holiday. She becomes
upset. This woman, who waited all year, who for many years has waited all year
for one day, cannot stand it anymore. She becomes upset. She is disappointed;
she is sorrowful; she loses control. She sheds a tear from her eye – this is an
active verb, not a passive one. She allows one tear to leak out of her eye onto
her cheek, after years of not crying.
Now we must imagine a split screen: on one side is a close-up of
a female character, a woman with one tear running down her cheek. On the other
side, sitting on a rooftop in Mechoza, is Rabbi Rechumei, dressed entirely in
white and feeling holy. You know, after several hours without food we feel very
exalted. He studies Torah on the roof, under the stars, and feels so close to
the heavens. He sat on the roof, and as the tear falls from the woman’s eye,
the roof caves in under him and he falls to the ground and dies.
What can I learn about this place and my work here from Rabbi
Rechumei and his wife? First, I learn that one who forgets that he is sitting
on another’s shoulders – will fall. I agree with what you said earlier, MK
Bennett. I learn that righteousness is not adherence to the Torah at the
expense of sensitivity to human beings. I learn that often, in a dispute, both
sides are right, and until I understand that both my disputant and I, both the
woman and Rabbi Rechumei, feel that they are doing the right thing and are
responsible for the home. Sometimes we feel like the woman, waiting, serving in
the army, doing all the work while others sit on the roof and study Torah;
sometimes those others feel that they bear the entire weight of tradition,
Torah, and our culture while we go to the beach and have a blast. Both I and my
disputant feel solely responsible for the home. Until I understand this, I will
not perceive the problem properly and will not be able to find a solution. I
invite all of us to years of action rooted in thought and dispute rooted in
mutual respect and understanding.
I aspire to bring about a situation in which Torah study is the
heritage of all Israel, in which the Torah is accessible to all who wish to
study it, in which all young citizens of Israel take part in Torah study as
well as military and civil service. Together we will build this home and avoid
disappointment.
I long for the day when the state’s resources are distributed
fairly and equally to every Torah scholar, man or woman, based on the quality
of their study, not their communal affiliation, when secular and pluralistic
yeshivot, batei midrash, and organizations win fair and equal support in
comparison to Orthodox and Haredi batei midrash. Through scholarly envy and
healthy competition, the Torah will be magnified and glorified.
I want to mention my mentor, Rabbi David Hartman, who passed
away this week, who opened up the doors of his beit midrash for me, and who
built the language of a courageous and inclusive Judaism. May his memory be a
blessing.
I want to conclude with a prayer composed by my colleague Chaim
Hames, the prayer for entering the Knesset:
May it be Your will, Lord our God, God of our fathers and
mothers, that I leave this house as is entered it – at peace with myself and
with others. May my actions benefit all residents of the State of Israel. May I
work to improve the society that sent me to this chamber and cause a just peace
to dwell among us and with our neighbors. May I always remember that I am a
messenger of the public and that I must take care to keep my integrity and
innocence intact. May I, and we, succeed in all our endeavors.
I add a small prayer for my faction, Yesh Atid, that we maintain
our unique culture of cooperation and brotherhood, that we remain united, that
we remain in the plenum, and that we realize our dream to make things better.
Thank you.
Translated by Elli Fischer. Based on the transcript available on
the Knesset website.
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#5. Getting To
Nordstrom's
Judaism is a great product. So why does our poor customer
service get in the way, again and again? By Erica Brown
These are days when retail lines are filled with disgruntled
people returning holiday presents that they can’t re-gift, like that sweater
with only one sleeve or the alarm clock that plays “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
It’s a great time for sales and also a great time to think about customer
service.
I have become addicted to customer service books. I’ve read “The
New Gold Standard” about the Ritz-Carlton and “Delivering Happiness” about
Zappos. On my night table is “The Apple Experience.” I devoured Danny Meyer’s
book on legendary hospitality, “Setting the Table,” Ari Weinzweig’s little
classic, “Zingerman’s Guide to Giving Great Service,” and “The Nordstrom Way.”
Why all this reading? Because I’ve come to a sad conclusion
after 25 years of working for the Jewish people. We have a great product. Our
customer service stinks. And I’m tired of poor customer service getting in the
way of our great product. And it does, again and again.
We think a great deal about fundraising but much less about the
visitor/donor/stranger experience, and I’m not talking only about kosher
restaurants. That’s a whole other subject. We ask people for money and get
names wrong year after year; we send solicitation letters to dead people
because we haven’t fixed our data. We walk into synagogues and schools and
JCCs, and no one says hello. Few know our names (maybe for months or years). A
friend in an interfaith marriage says that when he takes his wife to shul, no
one talks to them. When he goes to his wife’s church, everyone comes over to
greet them.
We think everyone’s going to give us a pass because of the good
work we do. But we’re wrong. They say that people give to the organizations
that love them most. So, Jews, where’s the love?
We have some exceptionally friendly and knowledgeable Jewish
communal service professionals and terrific volunteers. What we don’t have are
consistent and uniform cultures of institutional warmth and excellence. When
you step into any Ritz-Carlton you know the service you’re going to get. And
it’s not about their budget. It’s about their culture. It’s not about the
money; it’s about the expectation.
John Nordstrom believed that you should be able to tell you are
in a Nordstrom within 15 seconds. The initial entry is enough to tell you that
you are someplace distinct for all the right reasons. What’s the first 15 seconds like in your Jewish
organization for a newcomer on a visit or on the phone? What will he or she
see? How will they be treated? How will they feel? Do a sting operation on your
own institution. How’d you do?
Overheard in a Ritz-Carlton, “The answer is yes … now what is
the question?” Overheard in too many Jewish institutions, “The answer is no …
now what is the question?” To get to yes, here are 10 tips from the masters:
1. Spend more time on staff training than on PR. Tony Hseih from
Zappos says that that your most important job is to generate great stories. They
will become your best PR.
2. Your staff are also your customers. Invest in creating a
loving and professional atmosphere where every employee knows your mission and
your expectations.
3. Select — don’t hire — people who embody your culture and
actually enjoy serving people.
4. Create WOW experiences that make a lasting impression, and
people will come back.
5. It’s not about customer satisfaction; it’s about customer
loyalty, which means exceeding expectations every time.
6. Empower people on every level of an organization to serve
others instead of always needing someone else’s approval to move forward.
7. Expect lateral service — everyone is responsible on some
level for everything that goes on. If there’s litter in the lobby, every person
walking by should be invested enough to pick it up.
8. Help volunteers and board members understand that plus-one
service means taking volunteer commitments seriously. Everyone together is
responsible for the reputation of an organization. Be a professional volunteer.
9. Research shows that people need to be thanked seven times to
feel appreciated.
10. The devil is in the details and so is the angel. Small
gestures matter.
We don’t want customers. We want trusted and loyal stakeholders.
But we have to show our own worthiness as institutions. And if you think this
isn’t Jewish, think again. We practically invented customer service. Look back
at the Abraham stories of kindness. Lesson: Be kind to strangers. One day they
may just become your angels.
Imagine, for a moment, that your Jewish institution — fill in
the blank — is about to merge with Nordstrom’s. What would be different?
Sometimes we’re a Ritz-Carlton people stuck in Motel 6 packaging. We can do
better. We must.
Erica Brown is scholar-in-residence at The Jewish Federation of
Greater Washington. Her forthcoming book is “Happier Endings: Overcoming the
Fear of Death” (Simon and Schuster). Her column appears the first week of the
month.
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#6. Sharing The Secret That's Haunted My Soul
An abuse victim goes public, and suggests some communal reforms.
By David Cheifetz
My name is David Cheifetz and I am a victim of childhood sex
abuse in a Jewish institution.
There. I have said it. After more than 30 years I have shared
the dark secret that has haunted my soul.
I was 13 years old, attending sleep-away camp at Camp Dora
Golding, an all-boys Orthodox camp that some of you still send your sons to. I
was befriended by a 28-year-old member of the rabbinic staff. Over the course
of a week he sexually abused me repeatedly. When the activity was exposed, I
was summoned to the camp director’s office and forced to confront the
assailant. Then I was summarily sent home, as if it were I who had committed
the crime. The camp never even told my parents why I was being sent home. They
were just advised to pick me up at the Greyhound terminal at New York’s Port
Authority.
I do not know if the perpetrator was ever fired; to the best of
my knowledge he was never reported to legal authorities. I understand that he
went on to a long career in Jewish education, and based on whispers on the
Internet, probably continued targeting young Jewish boys within the walls of
Jewish educational institutions. [Camp Dora Golding officials did not respond
to repeated attempts for comment on the author’s allegations.]
When I arrived home, I was not given a hero’s welcome. I was
also not given a victim’s welcome. I was never sent to a psychiatrist or a
psychologist or even a pediatrician. The bitter secret was locked away, barely
thought of or spoken of over the next 30-plus years. I did once share the
incident with my yeshiva high school principal who insisted, “No, Duvid, he
could not have been a rabbi. Rabbis never do such things.”
♦The Orthodox community is going through its Catholic Church
moment: All elements of the community, from the chasidic to the Modern
Orthodox, are being inundated by reported cases of sexual abuse of minors. Each
of these incidents is characterized not just by accusations of sexual abuse,
but by accompanying allegations of systematic cover-ups — incidents hidden or
swept under the rug, in some cases (such as the Weberman case) with allegations
of extreme financial and social pressures brought to bear on the victims and
their families.
But, as my experience reflects, such behaviors of the abusers
and of those that protect them are not new. It is not that Orthodox groups and
institutions advocate pedophilia. It is that the Orthodox community is
unwilling to address this “inconvenient truth.” Instead of confronting this
scourge, many members the community have taken on a “circle the wagons”
mentality, perhaps to protect their friends, perhaps to protect their
institutions. But in all of this, what is forgotten is the victim.
I know. I was a forgotten victim. But I will no longer remain
silent or silenced.
And what happens with these child sex abusers when they are
ignored, or allowed to continue working within the community? Research shows
that they are serial offenders, they tend to hunt out their prey and commit
their despicable crimes again and again. Such is the nature of pedophiles. In
the Catholic Church. In the Boy Scouts. And in the Orthodox community.
I look with sadness at my own story. I look at all the
unanswered questions surrounding the Baruch Lanner case and the full
investigative report conducted by the Orthodox Union that was never released, a
study led by Richard Joel, now the president of Yeshiva University. Will there
be a full release of the current investigation at YU’s boys’ high school
involving its former principal, George Finkelstein. I listen to the voices in
the ultra-Orthodox community citing mesirah — the notion that one Jew cannot
hand over another Jew to the non-Jewish authorities — a remnant of medieval
fear of hostile gentile governments. Thankfully that is an anachronism in our
current society. These lingering questions and troubling observations take away
any belief, any faith that the Orthodox community as a whole is able to reform
itself.
I ask you: how many times in recent months has your congregational
rabbi delivered a sermon on the travesty that is sexual abuse of minors in our
community? It is headline news, but how many rabbis have raised their voices to
increase awareness or called for fundamental change? I worry when rabbis are
more prepared to discuss nuclear fusion and complex geopolitical machinations
than they are to discuss the despicable sex crimes that are happening in our
own Jewish educational institutions.
If change will not come from the inside, then it must come from
the outside. And so I am speaking up and encouraging the thousands of other
victims of childhood sexual abuse in our community to do the same.
I am also encouraging everyone to withhold financial support
from every institution suspected of ignoring or covering up sexual abuse
activities in their midst. There are plenty of other important causes and
institutions that can benefit from your generosity.
But that is only a start. In order for the Jewish community to
seriously address this scourge it must embrace real reforms. I believe
necessary reforms include:
♦The establishment of an independent ombudsman sensitive to the
needs of the Jewish community, with programs in every major educational institution.
Too many rabbis have been hesitant to advise victims and their families to
report abuses to the police, to social service agencies, or to the local
district attorney. Or they have been outright complicit in cover-ups. So a
central, independently funded ombudsman program (preferably funded by a
foundation, and not reliant on the financial pressures of communal mood swings)
must exist for victims and their families. The ombudsman will work with legal
authorities and social service agencies and the schools to investigate all
credible allegations and use its voice and power to pursue and bring pedophiles
and their supporters to justice.
♦The institution of mandatory training programs for schools and
summer camps — leaders, administrators, teachers and counselors — of what is
and isn’t acceptable behavior. (Isolated programs already exist, but are only
in place in limited instances.)
♦The institution of criminal background checks for all school
leaders, teachers, administrators and camp staff.
♦The establishments of a “one strike you are out” policy, and
the immediate suspension of anyone facing a credible accusation, pending a
detailed investigation.
♦The establishment of protocols that penalize not only sex
offenders, but those who knowingly ignore, protect and enable their behaviors.
These people should be held liable on both criminal and civil levels. And they
should certainly not be allowed to work in schools, camps, or other Jewish
educational institutions. They too should be held accountable.
Speaking as a survivor, I bear scars that will be with me for
life. I wish I did not have that unique set of perspectives. But sadly, the
Orthodox community has progressed very little since 1979.
We face a demon in our midst, a cancer that will not go away
without harsh measures. The Orthodox community can keep Shabbat and pray three
times a day; its members can keep kosher and learn Torah day and night. But
that means nothing if the community remains deaf to the cries of the past and
future victims, and is ultimately complicit in the atrocities committed against
our children and grandchildren.
David Cheifetz is a resident of Teaneck, N.J.
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#7. Fresh Skirmish In
'Who Is A Jew' Wars
Chief Rabbinate rejects letter from leading U.S. Orthodox rabbi
vouching for couple's Jewishness. By Michele Chabin, Israel Correspondent
Jerusalem — In a slap in the face to diaspora rabbis, the
Israeli Chief Rabbinate has rejected the word of one of American Jewry’s most
well-known Orthodox rabbis, who in a letter was attesting to the Jewishness and
single status of an American Jewish couple wishing to marry in Israel, The
Jewish Week has learned.
The rejection of the letter written by Rabbi Avi Weiss, longtime
spiritual leader of the Hebrew Institute of Riverdale, appears to be the Chief
Rabbinate’s latest attempt to be the sole arbiter of “Who is a Jew” — not only
in Israel but in the diaspora as well.
Several years ago the Chief Rabbinate secretly decided it would
no longer automatically recognize conversions performed by Orthodox rabbis in
the diaspora. That decision led to a standoff with the Orthodox establishment
in the U.S., which ultimately relented to the rabbinate’s demands to establish
regional conversion courts and to severely limit the number of rabbis who can
perform conversions.
Rabbi Seth Farber, director of ITIM, an organization that helps
people deal with Israeli government bureaucracy related to marriage and other
issues, said Rabbi Weiss’ letter was one of “about 10” rejected letters from
Orthodox rabbis that have come across his desk in the past six months. He could
not estimate how many other rejections the rabbinate has issued.
ITIM, which runs a service for couples wishing to register for
marriage in Israel, filed the couple’s paperwork with the local Jerusalem
rabbinical court before the start of the summer, Rabbi Farber said. The letter,
required by every couple wishing to marry in Israel, has been a mandatory part
of the application for decades.
Rabbi Farber recalled that the local rabbinical court “sent us
back a letter saying it had checked with the national rabbinate office and that
Rabbi Weiss is not registered for the purposes of certifying Jewishness and
single status for people who are born Jewish.”
This despite the fact that the rabbinate had, in the past,
accepted “countless” such letters from Rabbi Weiss, one of the most visible
rabbis in Modern Orthodox Jewry today, according to the Riverdale rabbi.
When ITIM realized that the rabbinate wouldn’t budge, it
scrambled to find someone the rabbinate would recognize to certify the couple
in time for their wedding day.
When The Jewish Week asked the Chief Rabbinate on what grounds
Rabbi Weiss’ letter had been rejected, Ziv Maor, a rabbinate spokesman,
consulted with Rabbi Itamar Tubul, who for the past few months, since the
installation of the new chief rabbis, has been the secretary in charge of
personal status matters and people converted abroad.
Within a couple of hours Rabbi Maor called back and said, “We
checked and found that three rabbis from Riverdale” were recently approved for
the purposes of marriage registration “and that Weiss was not one of them.” If
Rabbi Weiss’ letter was rejected, Rabbi Maor continued, “it means he’s been
checked and his document was not found valid.”
Rabbi Maor said he did not know how Tubul determined that Rabbi
Weiss and the other rabbis could not be trusted to vouch for a person’s
Jewishness.
Rabbi Maor said that “basically, what is being checked is the
beit din [rabbinical court] that issues the certificates” attesting to marriage
and marital status. “Even if you are born in Israel you still have to prove you
are a Jew, even if you are haredi.”
The spokesman insisted the rabbinate “does not maintain a black
list” of rabbis. “We check every case separately, checking again and again,”
even if a letter from the same rabbi was approved earlier the same day.”
In fact, Rabbi Farber faxed The Jewish Week part of an “approved
rabbis list” he was able to obtain.
Rabbi Farber added that the rabbinate has never before relied
exclusively on diaspora rabbinical courts to certify someone’s Jewishness and
that “halachic sources are exceptionally clear that no beit din is required for
certification. Throughout Jewish history,” he said, “local community rabbis
have always been trusted to certify the status of their community members.”
Rabbi Farber believes that the new chief rabbis’ transition
teams “have taken it upon themselves” to make the demands more stringent, and
that the Orthodox Jewish community overseas “must put pressure on Israel’s
religious establishment to have their rabbis recognized.”
If the Orthodox world does not fight the new measures, “I’m
concerned that this will cause a greater fissure between the religious
establishment of Israel and diaspora Jewish communities,” Rabbi Farber warned.
Having spent considerable time in the Chief Rabbinate offices in
recent months, Rabbi Farber noted, “my overwhelming sense is that the list of
Orthodox rabbis who are recognized is shrinking considerably, particularly
regarding newly ordained rabbis,” even if they graduated from Yeshiva
University and/or serve in major synagogues.
“The rabbinate is heading in the direction where they will no
longer accept any community rabbi and will instead insist on rabbinical courts
certifying someone’s Jewishness, a situation that is completely unmanageable in
North America,” Rabbi Farber said.
“ITIM can continue fighting one case at a time, but ultimately
we need to change the system,” he said. “It is inexcusable that “Who is a Jew”
is being decided in this way.”
ITIM is considering legal measures in order to make the issue of
Jewishness certification more transparent. Before the close of the last Knesset
session, the organization put a position paper on the table of the Knesset
calling upon the rabbinate to go public with its list of accepted rabbis.
Speaking from New York, Rabbi Weiss said he had agreed to go
public “not to bring pressure so that my letters will be accepted. It is rather
to raise a voice against a policy that affects many rabbis” while the rabbinate
“is making decisions based on politics: talking to different people who whisper
in their ear something about the rabbi in question. This policy brings shame to
the Chief Rabbinate.”
Rabbi Weiss said that although he has no specific information,
“my hunch is that it’s political, having to do with the institutions I’m
involved with.” Those include Yeshivat Chovevei Torah, the liberal Orthodox
rabbinical school he founded and, until recently, led; Yeshivat Maharat, a
seminary for Modern Orthodox women; and the International Rabbinical
Fellowship, a Modern Orthodox rabbinical association founded as a liberal
alternative to the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA).
Rabbi Weiss remains a controversial figure in American Orthodox
circles. His decision to ordain women as “rabbas” was condemned by the
Rabbinical Council of America (RCA).
Rabbi Mark Dratch, executive vice president of the RCA, said,
“We are aware of this from time to time and using our
relationship with the Rabbinate to resolve specific issues and
also the general problem.”
When necessary, the RCA asks the Beit Din of America to assist,
he said.
Rabbi Dratch said that rejections also occurred under the
leadership of the former Chief Rabbi Shlomo Amar.
Although the RCA has been able to resolve “almost all” of the
Rabbinate’s queries, Rabbi Dratch said, the lack of clear rabbinate guidelines
on “who is accepted, whether they require a letter from a beit din or the word
of an individual rabbi” is
causing unnecessary stress for the couples and certifying
rabbis.
Rabbi Dratch said the Rabbinate “is certainly entitled to ask
questions and verify information to its satisfaction,” but that it must be done
in an organized and compassionate way, based on specific criteria.
He said the RCA and rabbinate “are having conversations” about
the fact that the Rabbinate does not automatically accept the authority of
RCA-affiliated rabbis.
Other prominent Orthodox rabbis whose letters have been rejected
“were equally outraged and surprised,” Farber said, but declined to be
interviewed.
“The issue is not me,” Rabbi Weiss insisted. “The issue is primarily
the wonderful people with whom I have contact.” The couples, he said, “have to
seek letters from others rather than their own rabbi.”
Rabbi Weiss said the Chief Rabbinate’s rejection of “respected”
Orthodox leaders “is deeply insulting to these rabbis and even more
importantly, to their own communities.”
Diaspora Jews “frankly don’t’ know why the State of Israel
allows the Chief Rabbinate to undermine the credentials of religious Zionist
rabbis who are among the staunchest and most vocal supporters of the State of
Israel,” Rabbi Weiss said.
editor@jewishweek.org
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