A great rabbi of the twentieth century, Joseph Soloveitchik, wrote an essay called The Lonely Man of Faith. In it he taught that every human being, like the biblical Adam, faces two competing desires.
One desire is ambition. We seek to learn, create, grow and show our dominion over the earth. We want taller skyscrapers, faster cars, and more exotic adventures .
The other desire is security. We seek solace, quiet, and a sense of belonging within the beauty of creation. We look for generosity, for companionship, for faith.
The first desire leads to "resume virtues." We focus on the skills and values of an impressive resume with high-powered universities and important titles.
With this perspective, we judge success by title and net worth rather than character and generosity. We prefer breath over depth, power over kindness.
But another part of us focuses on the "eulogy virtues." We develop the values and relationships for a meaningful life.
With this perspective, we think about what people will say about us when we are gone. Will their memories make us proud?
The resume virtues may make us successful. But the eulogy virtues will make us happy.
It takes courage to embrace the eulogy virtues because our culture prizes the resume ones. But few choices in life are more important.
Or, as another great twentieth-century rabbi, Abraham Joshua Heschel, once said, "When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people."
We don't have to be old to live by Heschel's wisdom. You can start now by taking a look at The Happiness Prayer: Ancient Jewish Wisdom for the Best Way to Live Today.
It's all about the eulogy virtues. And it gives you a clear path to live by them.
P.S.: I'm going live Monday at 7:00 pm on Facebook to talk about Eulogy Virtues. You can tune in here or watch the replay later.
The Congregation Solel
1301 Clavey Road
Highland Park, Illinois 60035, United States
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